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Song Parodies -> "Where Have All the Rentboys Gone?"

Original Song Title:

"Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?"

Original Performer:

Paula Cole

Parody Song Title:

"Where Have All the Rentboys Gone?"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Oh, he’s gettin’ ready to do trickin’ that’s heavy;
He’s out to get down and he gets paid.
Make swelter on his front porch;
This randy lion comes, torching
Like a lass who trolls to get made.
He will do lunch meat, if you pay the bills.

He’ll dress like John Wayne,
He’ll get some prairie on.
Where are he and his brethren?
Where have all the rentboys gone?

You hear that they’re all leaving,
Trickin’ for the Family, [Research Council]
Trickin’ for the ministry
Or gettin’ kicks beneath a senate seat.
Some are burly workin’ boys, and some are just actors;
On them self-loathing pol poofs are sweet,
Buyin’ boys to thrill ’em. . .cached gays’ anti-gay bills.

There is Larry Craig;
Haggard had hump, huff fun.*
It’s midnight when they’re spending,
“Mares” that want a cowboy on.

Mark Foley once took such delight
In trollin’ D.C. pages; he
Had to say “goodbye.”

The pettin’s gettin’heavy
Before they raise the next levy.
There are steady jobs for men who please.
These men paid for their charms,
Clients’ joints are gettin’ farmed—
Then they blow. . .one more family-values speech.
They’ll rail against swishes, then stow it in the rear.

They’re lost, all young swains.
Where are those prairie buns?
Where’s that chaps chap for spending?
Where have all the rentboys gone?

Where are those gargle-joint men?
Where are their heinie guns?
They’ve church/state dough arrangers—
There’s where all the rentboys gone.
(Where’d George go?

[fade on anti-gay fulminations by Rekers, Craig, Haggard, Ashburn, Foley, etc.]

*The height of hallelujah hypocrisy, Ted Haggard, disgraced former pastor of the ultraconservative New Life megachurch, not only paid a male prostitute for sex, he also snorted meth with his rentboy.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - May 21, 2010 - Report this comment
Maybe they're looking for a new lease on life. Here's your $555 security deposit back, John.
Peter Andersson - May 21, 2010 - Report this comment
That parody title would also work for Van Halen's "Where have all the good times gone", in itself a cover of an older song of the type you seem to like, or so I think.
PrairiePrincess - May 21, 2010 - Report this comment
~ Prairie-On ~ . . . . sirSweaty !
? - May 21, 2010 - Report this comment
I like men.
Christie Marie M - May 21, 2010 - Report this comment
Echoing all comments above! Nothing gay about your song! Great as always! 555.
Lee - May 21, 2010 - Report this comment
I love the original song, and this is vey true about how the most conservative family values preachin' mean usually end up being perverts. All 5's.
Max Power - May 21, 2010 - Report this comment
Remember Larry Craig.
AFW - May 21, 2010 - Report this comment
Quite politically profound...and adds a poetic touch to politics, if that's possible..
The CrazyCam - May 21, 2010 - Report this comment
Another song I do not know, but John A. Barry, you need to tone it down with the parodies. I think one of the same song TODAY is good enough. Just take it down a notch, lol, we can't handle so much....cowboy parodies.
Old Man Ribber - May 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Clever! This is actually about "tenets" rather than "tenants". This certainly brings new meaning to the term "Rent - A - Kid"! ;D

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