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Song Parodies -> "This Damn Thing's Gonna Kill My Spine"

Original Song Title:

"Everything's Gonna Be Alright"

Original Performer:

Naughty by Nature

Parody Song Title:

"This Damn Thing's Gonna Kill My Spine"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

"Thing" as in "really uncomfortable shirt". How uncomfortable? Let me count the ways...
Save me now (not right)
This is a story about the dumbass
Who's only choice of shirt (ah-ah) was the worst one, hands down
All out of better options, it's bullshit
Why me, huh?

This damn thing's gonna kill my spine (not right)
Stupid thing's painful on my hide (not right)
Savin' up but it will take time now (a new shirt)
Hate this thing, can't toss it outright, look (not right)

Can see my nipples which I don't want
'Cause if I did want that then comfort would stay on
But the tightness that it has is really bad
More detail than that? Sure, I love to rant
This shirt today is a shit one, nipples pinched up
My arms can't lift up, restrictin' all my high-shelf pickups
No air beneath said arms, my pits make a smell most foul
I dread the moment I get to doff the thing, in sweat, I'll drown (not right)
It's yet to rip, which would legit be a "good" tick
But in fact this skin-tightness means all that sweat gets trapped in
Some people say that I complain too much
It's all my fault that my only shirt was a bad one
Not wrong 'bout that, shoulda checked what was left
Done my washin', I can admit that and still be real pissed
That this doesn't leave shit to the imagination
Each ab that I don't have is on display and I hate it
It's stuck on me, want to cut the damn thing off
But it's too close to my trapped skin, don't wanna draw blood
The smell that's in there would only grow if there was blood
Even if this shirt's the worst, I still don't want blood

This damn thing's gonna kill my spine (not right)
Stupid thing's painful on my hide (not right)
Savin' up but it will take time now (a new shirt)
Hate this thing, can't toss it outright (not right)

This shirt's a bastard, more than just the tightness
The stuff it's made of plain sucks, don't know what it is
I've no knowledge of fabrics, just know I can't stand it
First off: it feels overstarched and yes, I do know what that is
So friggin' stiff despite the "second skin" effect, so
I can't move well, it's like an animation failed to load
The next thing that's a big, fat stab in my ass:
So far from soft, hard on my non-abs (not right)
Sounds like the first point that I just made? A bit
Lemme explain 'cause it's more different than you've made it
Clothes can be stiff yet still soft-ish on skin, yes
But this shit ain't it, like cardboard on my pecs
That brings a new problem, the count is now at three:
The edges of this cut-out tee digs in me
Cuts to the bone, at least it feels like that, it blows
Each movement I make hurts, what little I can make, you know
Last type of issue I hold with this, behold:
This damn shirt's itchy as balls in ev'ry seam and fold
I hope that pain is one I don't have to explain
But hey, you know what happens to make a bigger pain (not right)?
The limited poses brought on by the stiffness forces a stop now
To any scratchin' I may be wantin', can't go to town (to town)
Why me, huh?

This damn thing's gonna kill my spine (not right)
Stupid thing's painful on my hide (not right)
Savin' up but it will take time now (a new shirt)
Hate this thing, can't toss it outright (not right)

Since this shirt is total bullshirt, a pun I don't regret
Why do I keep it, huh? That's what my neighbour said
As well as all my colleagues, mock me as it squeezes tight
Think that I'm a dweeb who's got nothin' else in the wardrobe, lies (not right)
I've got a lot of options I can put on now
I've reached for them, but the real truth is that I'm cowed
'Cause I done been through weird shit, I found this damn tee
In the woods, had vibes of hoodoo but it looked sweet (not right)
A spooky-ass tee, it's now my world which is wrong
It's taken over my life, oh, you don't know this song?
Look can't be blank, no damn way you won't understand
It's that symbiote talk I walk, damn
May not have lived it, at least you've read it, that Venom method
Whole-ass movie came out, piss was taken out, got shredded
At least Brock got superpowers, punched shit up
What I get's a shit shirt that squeezes my nipples too much
Know it sounds dumb, make me get labelled as a dumbass
A total fool, never watched horror films once, man
I'm a tool for a ghoul, image damaged
Won't make me kill, just a shirt that hurts like a bastard

At least it doesn't have a bad colour
Just a dark blue, a fine colour
If it was a mishmash of bad colours
Then I'd drown myself in the gutter (not right)
Why me (not right)?
Why me?
Not right, not right, not right

"This Damn Thing's Gonna Kill My Spine" contains samples of "No Cushion, Oh My" as written by the_conqueror_of_parodies a.k.a. ME.

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Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 3

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the_copout_of_parodies - March 10, 2021 - Report this comment
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