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Song Parodies -> "No Data Match for This Clue"

Original Song Title:

"I'll Make a Man Out of You"

Original Performer:

Mulan

Parody Song Title:

"No Data Match for This Clue"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

It's one thing to not find any evidence for a crime. It's quite another to find it but have it turn up nothing...
Police Chief:
I don't pay detectives to give me a shrug
Should have found the bastard, he left lots of blood
Know that it takes far longer to get
Any results than movies do
Can't be no data match for this clue

You sure you were thorough? Something that you missed
Got prints from a finger, wore no gloves, the ditz
But the regist'ry is at a loss
No line-ups for this bad dude
Somehow no data match for this clue

Detectives:
I'm sorry, boss, we ain't found shit
Working ev'ry angle, trust me
Gonna analyse each fibre that we picked
I.T. guys are running checks
And I know your mood's real crusty
But they've earned a raise if their overhaul sticks

Police Chief:
Need a match
I want results and you must deliver
Need a match
You know that criminal will strike soon
Need a match
And if he does, then things will be dire
The job market's such a quagmire, sad but true

Time is racing t'ward us 'til my boss arrives
He wants us in order so go through the files
Check the imprints of the boots, he trod
Through some mud, must be of use
Must be some data match for this clue

Need a match
Scrubbed through the footage of ev'ry cam'ra
Need a match
Screencap each shot of his face, tight zoom
Need a match
Knowledge of his zits I have acquired
Yet somehow it's not anything we can use
Need a match
He's not a devious, tricksy bastard
Need a match
A total dunce, showed off his tattoos
Need a match
Maybe he's more of a server fryer
The only thing that makes sense, who is this douche?

The only other thing that makes sense? There's no record of him because he's from ANOTHER UNIVERSE. I was gonna say "a ghost" but then I remembered that ghosts don't bleed. Or leave fingerprints. Or have shoes. Okay, maybe they have shoes, but mud's not gonna cling to 'em. Unless it's ghost mud.

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 LittleLots
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
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 0
 
 3   0
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 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   3
 2
 2
 

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