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Song Parodies -> "Lich"

Original Song Title:

"Bitch"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Meredith Brooks

Parody Song Title:

"Lich"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Living skeleton = not a problem, heft whack with a club will knock 'em down. Wizard = kind of a problem, but that's what swords and arrows are for. Living skeleton wizard = ooh, you're screwed now.
I hate this stupid grave
Why'd you bury me? You know that won't restrain
Tried to tell you but you wrote me off as crazy so you left me six feet deep
It won't last a week
It was said I died
But to hold that belief is keepin' close a lie
Cause a spell was cast long before all of you
Ran my mad ass through
With your pointy swords, man, did they sting
Point is: I'm not done

I'm a lich, I'm a monster
No way I'm movin' on, sir
I'm a little bit insane
I've kinda lost my brain
Rotted well past its means
But I don't really need
Dumb organs cause I'll wreck your shit up anyway

I'll rage across the land
Make you weep because you can't just run and stab
Rest assured that those who say beneath the surface
Is where you'll find true beauty
I'm only bones and cape
Doubt I'll get a second ring

I'm a lich, I'm a monster
Like hell I'm movin' on, sir
Though I think down there's to blame
For my skeletal state
Didn't check, test or read
The details, but, you see
It doesn't matter, I'll still wreck shit either way

Just when you think you had me buried now
The breezes of fate are changin'
You'll look a fool when I burst out through
The stone that contains me

I'm a lich, I'm a monster
No way I'm movin' on, sir
You will whimper, all afraid
A look that I can't wait
To see then make it scream
Cause nothin' makes one weak
Like a bare skeleton that wrecks shit anyway
I'm a lich, I'm a freak
I'm the darkness in your dreams
You will hurt, you will suffer
Once I've blasted off the cover
I'm not stuck, that's a lie
You will regret that line
"Those threats, they're empty like your skull", swear you will pay

Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh

Makes sense that he's stuck, liches only have an 11 in Strength according to the 5th edition of D&D.

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