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Song Parodies -> "Who Likes Grown-Up Christmas? Not Me"

Original Song Title:

"All I Want for Christmas Is You"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Mariah Carey

Parody Song Title:

"Who Likes Grown-Up Christmas? Not Me"

Parody Written by:

Jaycie

The Lyrics

Inspired by my husband, who grew up with a Christmas-loving mother and spent his early adult years getting through this time of year with copious quantities of alcohol.
I don't wanna deal with Christmas
That's the last thing that I need
I'd much rather stay at home
And Netflix-binge and eat Chinese
But I can't let my parents down
Off I go to my hometown
Where I don't wanna be
Who likes grown-up Christmas?
Not... me!

Just paid seven hundred dollars
For a two-stop red-eye flight
Here I go to greet the family
Listen to them gripe all night
Grandma's rattling off her ailments
And her friends who died this year
Uncle found the bourbon
And he's got some thoughts on Jews and queers

I just wanna run away
Hide in bed till Boxing Day
Then pack my stuff and leave
Who likes grown-up Christmas? Not me!
Fuuuuck Christmas!

Now we're sitting down for dinner
Please, somebody, pass the wine
Got my slab of dried-out turkey
And another glass of wine
No, thanks, Mom, I don't want turnips
No one likes them here but you
At least we can eat the rolls
But where the hell's the goddamn wine?

Carols on the stereo
"Let's change the tape!" "Oh, heavens, no!"
How I long to flee
Really, who likes grown-up Christmas? Not me!
Fuuuuck Christmas!

Oh, God, time for gift unwrapping
It's barely after eight
And my stocking's full
Of useless crap I hate
I don't need cookie cutters
Or sparkly cell phone covers
Novelty Post-Its or whiskey rocks
Or these stupid reindeer socks

Got a text from my best friend
"Come out tonight for wings and beer!"
Yeah, I'll prob'ly join them
Even though the bars all suck 'round here

Next year I think I will go
Someplace that's never seen the snow
Beneath a different tree
Really, who likes grown-up Christmas?
Not... me!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   3
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User Comments

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Amanda - December 09, 2020 - Report this comment
The bars don't suck in Florida, and my uncle's not a bigot, but other than that, you've got my Christmas experience exactly right.
Lili M - December 09, 2020 - Report this comment
Hilarious! I have all of these- bigoted uncle, check, annoying grandma, check, dumb presents, CHECK.
Patrick - December 09, 2020 - Report this comment
My family is scattered across the country and Idon't get to see a lot of them anymore. Radio stations don't play as much Christmas music as they used to. When they do, it's "Jingle Bell Rock". I really despise that song. Of course, I'm part of the "older generation" now. So I get to bore the young ones with tales of the "good old days".

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