I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
It’s not something very pleasant
But I hope Santa hears my plea

I don’t want to make you groan
By taking on a vulgar tone
I know this may sound crude
All I want for Christmas
Is poo

I ate a bit too much this Christmas
My calorie count I did exceed (cream pie!)
I scarfed down all the segments
Of this giant wheel of cheese

It’s like there’s something down there blocking
Excretion is on delay
Ironically I feel real crappy
Haven’t pooped in five whole days

My colon’s on overload
I need to fill up my commode
Want it to pass through
All I want is some number two
Poo baby

Sitting on my ass this Christmas
I feel so uncomfortable
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Hoping I will have to go

I try and persist to end it
Ate a fruit bowl for some kick
I would even give up cake
If I could just sh*t out a brick

Been sitting on the pot all night
Read all the books of Twilight
Damn, those really blew
I’d use them to wipe if I could just poo

The porcelain’s still shining
I can’t go anywhere
In my bathroom so much
I’m the mayor on Foursquare

Now everyone is bringing
Stuff to get my bowels swinging
Ex-lax, Dulcolax, suppositories
Even that drink for colonoscopies

It hasn’t been a wasted Christmas
I rearranged my towel drawer
I know there are exactly eighty
Tiles on my bathroom floor

Falling asleep on the toilet bowl
Taunted by that Charmin roll
Get me off of my loo
Santa all I want for Christmas is
POOOOOOOO
Baby

All I want for Christmas is pooooo baby
I want to deliver my fooooood baby
All I want for Christmas is pooooo baby