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Song Parodies -> "How Do I Shiv"

Original Song Title:

"How Do I Live"

Original Performer:

LeAnn Rimes

Parody Song Title:

"How Do I Shiv"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Probably one of the more awkward prison visitation conversations...
How will I-I-I
Survi-ive one night without you-ou-ou-ou?
I'm stuck in the clink without you
You were caught right besi-ide me-e
Oh-oh, I-I-I
Did not expect the judge to let you go-o-o-o-o
You're a jerk, an arse, you kno-o-ow?
These bright orange jammie-ie-ie-ies
Are now the least of my worries for the ne-ext
Ten yea-ears, can't lie-ie-ie-ie-ie

In dee-eep cra-ap now
How do I shiv? Don't know, dude
This is a-a loa-oad
I'm your lackey, I'm so screwed
You got off scott free-ee, so-o-o-o
Don't think I'm gonna, gonna survi-ive
How do I (how do I-I), how do I, oh, how do I shi-i-iv?

I'll need you-ou-ou
To he-elp me out in a fight
When my dumb ass gets tripped a-and flies
Into some six-foot thu-ug, gee-eez
A-And I-I-I
Do not know what the exchange rate is, true-ue-ue-ue-ue
Of cigarettes, got no-o clue-ue
I don't smoke, it's not me-e-e-e
And I won't be able to tell which guards wi-ill
Let smu-ugglin' sli-i-i-i-i-i-ide

I'm so-o scre-ewed no-o-o-ow
How do I shiv? Don't know, dude
Carved knives fro-om soa-oap:
Is that done? Is it not true?
The warden made a-a jo-o-o-oke
Do I laugh? Or is (or i-is) that suici-ide?
How do I (how do I-I), how do I, oh, how do I shi-i-iv?

You chee-ee-eeky a-arseho-o-o-ole
Know you flashed a wad
Of your ill-gotten gree-ee-ee-een
At the jury to get your arse out of thi-is
Why'd you leave me-e-e-e?
Cause you know I'll get seventeen kinds of shi-i-it
Beat fro-om me, ri-i-i-i-i-ight?

Man, you-ou-ou-ou blow no-o-o-o-ow
How do I shiv? Don't know, dude
I'm screwed, you-ou kno-o-o-ow
Why did you chea-ea-eat the ga-ame, du-u-ude?
Is this some kind o-of jo-o-o-oke?
You know I'll never (ne-eve-er), ever survi-ive
How do I (how do I-I), how do I
Oh, how do I shi-i-iv (how do I shi-i-iv)?

How do I shi-i-iv? Don't kno-ow, du-u-ude (how do I shi-iv?)
Slide me a shi-iv, be a-a true buddy-y-y-y-y-y-y-y (how do I shi-iv?)
How do I shi-iv (how do I, how do I shi-i-iv?)
How do I shi-i-iv (how do I shi-iv)?

So, this song is (so far) the longest-running Billboard top ten hit. WHY? It's dreary, boring mush, yet it lasted 32 weeks yet Uptown Funk only managed 31? I don't get America sometimes. Okay, I lie. I rarely understand the American charts.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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 2   0
 3   1
 4   2
 5   4

User Comments

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Jonathan - May 27, 2016 - Report this comment
oh yes because "Uptown Funk" is sooo much better than this song right? < in case you couldn't tell that was sarcasm I liked the parody but in all honesty I like the original song too although I prefer the Trisha Yearwood version to the LeAnn Rimes one parodied here 455

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