In my life I've see hairy ends
A thousand proctology exams
This choice of career was wrong
Wish I could start over... over
I know that...

When you glove a bottom
Your fingers twirl inside brown eyes
When you glove a bottom
You know they stand with parted thighs
The good sports sing "Moon River"
As my hand slides cold inside, palpitating... oh yeah

When I have to reach up someone's wazoo
To scoop out all their impacted poo
I'm scoping anally
Later I'm drinkin' myself blind
'Cause I know... I know that

When you glove a bottom
Some butt mud spatters in your eyes
When you glove a bottom
The smell so bad, it draws botflies
Enjoy it notsoever
There's some Cuervo Gold that hides, waiting for me... oh

It's enough to make you cry
When you no more can deny
That you'd kiss this job goodbye

[Neal Schon's guitar face says hello]

When you glove a bottom
You see hot girl with parted thighs
When you glove a bottom
But your next twelve patients: all fat guys
Oh boy, I'm not so clever
Or I'd take my own advise
When you glove a bottom...
When you glove, glove, glove, glove
When you glove a bottom
Your fingers twirl inside brown eyes