The Lyrics
I’m so dreadin’ this month because the fam’ly all expect a load
Gotta spend all my money; it’s enough to make my head explode
Should I get ‘em cheap an’ tacky tat, I jus’ can’t decide
But they’re all askin’ for so much it makes me want to run an’ hide
The tons of presents that they want is gettin’ out of hand
So I say, “Sod it”; I’m thinkin’ this year’s Chris’mas should be banned
Life is very unfair, man
Strife is makin’ me swear, man
I’ve lost my goddam hair, man
My head’s so friggin’ bare, man
My family jus’ don’t care, man
Life is very unfair
They’ve written:
Mince pie, a hi-fi, Wi-Fi, mini camper
Lion cub, marine sub, bath tub, an’ a hamper
Cattle prod, iPod, proof o’ God, tumble dryer
New car, whirly spar, better pa, tater fryer
Armchair, Frigidaire, silverware, pet gorilla
Stockin’ filler, crate o’ Miller and a chiller…it’s a killer
Kids are very unfair, man
Daughter’s causin’ despair, man
She wants a piebald mare, man
An’ stuff to fill her lair, man
My daughter can drive me spare, man
Kids are very unfair
She’s written:
Lip ring, nose ring, clit ring, a fluffy bunny
Bieber clone, iPhone, cash loan, boy for cunni
Sherbet dip, leather whip, acid trip, CD player
Xbox, pet fox, bobby socks, ganja weigher
Tiny butt, tiny gut, collie mutt, winter mitts
Bong hits, girlie bits, bigger tits,…an’ no zits
Kids are very unfair, man
Son is causin’ despair, man
He wants a grizzly bear, man
An’ bling that he can wear, man
He’s makin’ me want to swear, man
Son is very unfair
He’s written:
Castle keep, new Jeep, two sheep, dick enhancer
Leather gag, porno mag, hooker shag, nudie dancer
Chess board, Swiss sword, bungee cord, speedboat
Haversack, Cadillac, midi pack, billy goat
Chicken run, pellet gun, naked ho nun, roller coaster
Chicken roaster, pitta toaster…C. Schiffer poster
Life is very unfair, man
Wife is very unfair, man
She wants a lion’s share, man
She says, “Jus’ grow a pair, man, …
An’ get it all or I swear, man, …
You’ll need medical care”
She’s written:
James Bond, garden pond, magic wand, massive freezer
Garden gnome, bath foam, large home, pussy pleaser
Gucci bits, more glitz, firmer tits, flatter belly
Nice rear, a Duff beer, a reindeer, bigger telly
Jimmy Choos, winter cruise, bar full o’ booze, Kansas CD
Who CD, Feeder CD, Dodge CD…Fodder CD
I’m no millionaire, man
I’m no millionaire, man
Of cash I’ve got none spare, man
They’ve stripped my assets bare, man
Of trouble I’ve got my share, man
I’m no millionaire
I’m no millionaire