The guy looked like a stud muffin, stud muffin
He looked like Charlton Heston after nine Coronas
I got into his van, it was grand
He looked like Paul Newman after nine Coronas

He looked like Gordon Ramsey cooking linguini
When I ate the first course he looked like Mussolini -
Santa Maria - aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Nine Coronas

He was hairy as a grizzly bear, grizzly bear
But he looked like Yul Brynner after nine Coronas
He was moanin' like Tim McGraw, stuck in my craw
But he sounded like Sinatra after nine Coronas

He was the prize I landed when the night was fallin'
But when the sun ascended he looked like Josef Stalin -
Oy, oy, oy, oy - ooooooiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyy!
Nine Coronas

He was a funky bozo from El Segundo
But he smelled like Georgio after nine Coronas
He whined like Bobby Goldsboro (Honey, I miss you...)
But he sounded like Caruso after nine Coronas

He danced the hoochie coochie, I thought he had panache
But he looked like You Know Who including the moustache -
Gott in Himmel - ACH!!!
Nine Coronas

He was lumpy as a dromodery, so contrary
But he looked like Matthew Perry after nine Coronas
He was no Matt LeBlanc, no Matt LeBlanc
Nothing rhymes with Le Blanc after nine Coronas

Went into a bar and quaffed another stein of beer
So my next date would look like David Schwimmer
Please don't let me down!
Nine Coronas