Opened your raincoat, waggled your manhood
You were always crazy 'bout that
I stared from my window, stepped out of my panties
And flashed you right back

You were always the delerious one
With red eyes and store-bought hair
You were fashionably primitive
But too dumb to care

Now I stand in the doorway
Wearing nothing at all
Except spike heels and a garter

Well lately you fail to notice
Lately you fail to see
I'm standing here naked, touching myself
You're watching the game on T.V.

Chorus
These, football gaaaaames
Are tearing us apart
Myyy, dead vibrator
Is breaking my heart, breaking my heart

You were only horny in the morning
Roll a blunt cigarette, hump before coffee
Football's an art for old farts and young fools, you love Staubach
And you talk about the Cowboys
As I clumsily stroke my crotch

If you'd teach me these football things
Plays that are daring, which teams to fear
I would buy a Lazy Boy
And start drinking beer

You sniffed my soiled panties
Behind my back
Somewhere along the line
You'd better stop smokin' crack

Excuse me, I'm leaving you for anybody else
And until I find someone
I'll just play with myself

Chorus

Opened your raincoat
Waggled your manhood
You were always crazy 'bout that