(Intro)
May we have your attention please
Listen up all you girl Bradys
Will the real Jan Brady please grow up
We repeat, will the real Jan Brady please grow up
Too much drama over the years...

(Verse 1)
Stop actin' like you never seen a crazy person before
Down the stairs to the floor- happy mom, greetin' dad as he walks through the door
Brady clan gatherin' fast, Marcia leads as before
Long blonde hair galore, the Brady fame whore
Return of jealousy... and hate for a sibling
Sister worth killing, what the hell is she thinking?
And Mr. Brady said... isn't Marcia gracious?
Well bred, she deserves to be famous
Opposite of poor old Jan
Sister, sister, sister Jan Brady, who never wins
Lookin' prim, glasses and braces and un-feminine stuff
Wearing a wig as such, yeah, but still cute though
Except when her temper tantrums she does throw
Crying face down in her pillows
Wishing she could be more mature, less obtuse, but she can't
Inventing fake boyfriends, excuse after excuse
She's just not that hip, she's just not that hip
And any day now, shes probably gonna flip
"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia"... girl's lost her lid
(Alice) "Mrs. Brady, Mrs. Brady, do something about your kid!!!"
She hates her freckles, wants to wipe them off her skin
And running into things blindly
Has she seen an eye doctor lately?
Fillmore Junior High failed pom-pom terrible, performance was hysterical
Loss was quite unbearable, hope she copes
Hey, maybe painting will give her hope
Yes or no, but for now she's still a dope

(Hook X2)
She's Jan Brady, the crazy Jan Brady
All the other Jan Bradys are just imaginary
So won't the real Jan Brady please grow up
Please grow up, please grow up

(Verse 2)
Marcia Brady doesn't have to ty hard to get fellas
Well Jan does, so forget her and those jerks too
Marcia's thin and in and glammy
Miniskirt cool saying look at me, what a phoney
But Jan, you can be too, just play it cool
Nothing to fear, just don't act like a fool
In just a few years you'll be in High School
No Marcia, you're the favorite, I'm the worst
I'm like one of the guys, you're the flirt
You belong in a Limo, I belong in a Hearst
Big Sister, you're a blast can't you see?
Who would ever wanna go out with me, George Glass maybe?
Can't face reality living in fantasy
Allergic to Tiger, family was gonna give him up
Sneeze after sneeze, everyone hated me
Flea powder? How was I to know?
And a million problems all plague me
Afflict me, yeah they torment and torture me
Fight and bite, cling and bring down me
Many demons, legion, inhabiting me

(Hook X2)

(Verse 3)
All these voices that I listen to, the hell I'm going through
Me they joke about in the kitchen and living room
Saying I'm a freak- won't make it
Many times I fall, but get up despite it all
No matter how mom and dad spin it
They don't like to admit it, but I'm my own worst critic
Say I'm the same, is a sham
Need urgent medication like strong Valium
Not funny, what will I be like at thirty
In a mental ward with other weirdos that are dirty
Waiting and praying for visitations
From the Brady Bunch I'll be separated
Maybe this is how it's fated
Wish I coulda been the Prom Queen, Cheerleader plaything
Or on a dance floor, learned to swing
Surely this can't be my luck
With my head held down and I just give up?
So will the real Jan Brady please get back up
Get back to reality and give a f-ck
I'm not outta my mind, not outta control
I'm just the middle child, not a Princess, not a doll ...