[sound of static]

[announcer]
Meet Doris,twenty-one years old
She had the stupid braces on her teeth
She killed her brother's froggy girlfriend
("I can't stand her no more,I can't stand her no more bro.")
But on her way in,she has a sudden change of heart
And suddenly,her nightmare comes really true...
("She's gonna,and she was gonna.. killing us all!")

[Elmo] Alright,stop! [burping sound]
Now before you attack Ernie with your bestest knee
And kill that stupid girl,your enemy
Just pick the truth or the consequence [farting sound]
Is she fond of tolerance

[Telly] That's nonsense!
Go ahead and kill the girlfiend and run to a stranger's darn house
Be allergic to her,and you're a pottymouth
Tell them you need a place to hide
You'll be safe for days if you sing Weird Al's "this here Anakin guy"

[Grover] Yeah but if it all goes through like it's supposed to
The bad neighbors that know you and they'll murder you
Think about it before you get sick of Ernie
Look for that Big Bird,he wasn't so funny

[Bert] Bless that! Do that crap! Shoot that punk!
Can you afford to blow this crap? You're being stunk!
Why you give a bless if she dies? You saw this hunk?
Do you really think he gives a bless if you are dumb?

[Zoe] Bert,don't do it,it's not worth it to give up! [burping sound]
Not over this crap [farting sound] Will you shut up? [screaming]
Don't even listen to Ernie,he's bad for you
[Elmo] You know what Zo? Elmo hates your attitude.

[sound of static]

("It's alright c'mon,just come in here for a minute")
("Mmm,I don't know!")
("Look Doris...")
("Dang!")
("So you wanna STFU?")
("Well OK..")

[announcer]
Meet Dan,his age is unknown ("STFU!")
This little boy pink of karate skills
He was telling Doris,to hide in a downstairs basement
Once again,her nightmate comes really true...("No!")

[Elmo] Don't listen to her,but she's killing us all
And look at her braces,let's hide in the bathroom stall
Now all you gotta do is tackle on this bad girl of stone cold
[Telly] Whoa! This girl's only fifteen years old

You should just take advantage of her,use your fists
[Grover] Yo,look at her teeth...it has braces? [screaming]
Bless this girl right here,she's a racist
Til she passes gas and you should say she's the ugliest

[Bert] Man,ain't you ever seen the movie Spy Kids?
[Zoe] No,but I seen the promo that's the nastiest
[Elmo] Bert,you wanna get hauled off to jail?
[Bert] No bless that,hit that crap raw frawg and bail...

[sound of static]
[pickup idling, radio playing]

[announcer]
Meet Gordon,he was still having a hole in his stomach
After being gored by a red bison
He walks in the door of his trailer park home
To find Susan in bed with a girl named Tad
("SUSAN!!")
("Gordon!!")

[Elmo] All right calm down,relax,start breathin..
[Telly] Bless that crap,you caught this jerk cheating
While you at work she's with some girl tryin to get off?!
BLESS slitting her throat, CUT THIS GIRL'S HEAD OFF!!!

[Grover] Wait! What if there's an explanation for this crap?
[Bert] What? She tripped? Fell? Find someone to slap?!
[Zoe] All right,Susan,maybe she's right,Gordon
But think about the Ernie because you're fond of boredom

[Elmo] Okay! Thought about it,still wanna stab her?
Grab her by the throat,get that frog girl and kidnap her?
That's what I did,be smart,don't be a moron
You gonna take advice from somebody who slapped BIG JOHN??!

[Telly] What'chu say? [Grover] What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?
[Bert] We will find that motherblesser! [Zoe] Uhhh-aahh! Temper temper!
Elmo's world? Where's that stupid dumb girl?
Mr. Ernie coming straight out of southtown y'all give him a twirl

How in the Bless you gonna tell this man not to be violent?
[Zoe] Cause he don't need to go the same route that I went
Been there,done that...aw bless it...
What am I sayin? Shoot em both Gordon,where's your gun at?

[gun fires,is cocked,and re-fired]