December comes round, never fail to find
Movies, cartoons and TV shows lie
When snow starts fallin', their eyes light up
Buildin' a snowman, snowball to the nuts
I found it confusin' when I was a lad
As the sweat ran down my neck and back
Only a child who had yet to learn
About hemispheric conditions that turn
Each one of the four seasons right upside down
Plus we call "fall" "autumn", not the point now
So the thick-coated Santa comes off like he's mad
Not made a snow angel, not even in sand
Sun might've gone down but the heat is still up
Any milk left out would soon turn into clumps
Might be whinin' a tiny bit, but it still hurts
When all Christmas specials have snow and not dirt

Your standard white Christmas
Is just in my dreams
I don't get snow (don't get snow)
Zero snow each December, please
Quit with the magic of grabbin' a hefty snowball (ah-ah)
Not seein' it driftin' in my locale at all (ah-ah)
Don't get a white Christmas (ah-ah)
Ah-ah

Yah! Huh!
Not right, not right, no

Didn't have to shovel the driveway, you're right
And snow would be shitty when one needs to drive
You may have a point, mate, but it's still off-course
From mem'ries of young me confused at the store
Merchandise kept on showin' a snowy display
When right at that time, shorts and thongs were the way
Unaware how production of media works
Most not made in Aussie, not execs bein' jerks
Teasin' kids around with this "white Christmas" bunk
A winter wonderland? To me, that was nuts
Cause it wasn't yet winter, even if it was
Our winter is just rain and sometimes hail rocks

But these days, no white Christmas
Is just fine with me
Cause who needs snow (who needs snow)
When you know it means more work? Geez
But I would be guessin' that children still growin' up want (ah-ah)
The same explanation that one day I had got (ah-ah)
Why cartoons all give 'em a lie about what (ah-ah)
The weather should be for the holidays, such rot (ah-ah)
On-screen's a white Christmas (ah-ah)
Real life? Nosiree (ah-ah)
Who needs a white Christmas (ah-ah)?
Ah-ah (hey)

Hey, hey
Oh (hey)
Ah-ah (hey), ah-ah (no snow? Okay)
Ah-ah (I'm glad), ah-ah (okay)
Ah-ah (okay), ah-ah (no snow)
Ah-ah (now, now), ah-ah