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Song Parodies -> "Dumplings Shouldn't Bounce!"

Original Song Title:

"Almost Doesn't Count"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Dumplings Shouldn't Bounce!"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Dinner makes me hungry
Let you cook this time
But you're still not stopping, Dave
Man, I cry, when you fry

Your cooking makes me vomit
Not a pleasant sound
But what still baffles me:
Dumplings shouldn't bounce!

When you say you're cooking
Makes me want to flee
Can't you use the recipe book, Davey?
Then I might just eat
You can't just ad-lib cooking
You're quite the clown
Dessert baffles me:
Dumplings shouldn't bounce!

Don't you dare call this stuff food!
It bounces on the floor!
It may seem like procrastination
But that's one thing I just can't ignore
Look, it's still bouncing
For three hours or four?
I could watch this for ages
But I don't want no more!

Gotta find me a buddy
Who can knead the bread dough
Without dropping it on the floor
Then kneads sago*
Almost poisoned me
I couldn't force it down
But what annoys me is:
Dumplings shouldn't bounce!

Maybe you can cook it
Maybe you cannot
Gravy shouldn't scald my tongue, Davey
Yeth, I'm thure, you clot!
Still, you amuse me
Each time dessert comes round
Although I may still say
Dumplings shouldn't bounce!

So Davey, listen here
Let's stick to eating out
Because you should know:
Dumplings shouldn't bounce!
*Sago is a dish which either resembles frogspawn, or IS frogspawn. Davey decides to replace the bread dough with sago. Not good.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   7

User Comments

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Matthias - July 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Is this Dave character based on Below Average Dave, because Dave's cooking does suck, although I never had dumplings over at his house, when I'm at his place we usually eat out.... At Sonny's.
Tim Mayfield - July 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Not sure if I agree... bouncing dumplings is much more enjoyable than pasty, sticky dumplings. :-)
bobpiecheese - July 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Dave isn't based on any real person, but his name is a nickname of a guy in my class that I don't really like cuz he's a tool. Any time the name Dave comes up in my parodies, it's that arsehole, not BAD. BAD's too awesome to be derided.
Peregrin - July 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Good one, however, wouldn't the use of your testing method thereby result in a ruining of an otherwise edible dumpling?
littleCupCakes - July 24, 2008 - Report this comment
. . .. neither should they be ' hockey pucks' ! Cute write Sir Matthias.
OppsCake - July 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Sorry Sir, ~Lord Conq~ I attributed the above comment to the wrong Knight o'Parody ! Please excuse error; it's been a rather long workday (I'm still here!) . . . But my weekend starts now!! I'm off to the Rodeo tomorrow morning! See all you Cowboys on Tuesday!
Matthias - July 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Little Cup Cakes ;D. Conq this was still a great write, and there's no harm in making fun of Below Average Dave, I do it all the time. Okay once in "It's My Cooking (Steve's Diner)", but that's about it, still it has been done before, and Dave makes fun of me all the time in "Squeal Good", and that other Brandy song he has.
Rex - July 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Great title sub and fun write.
Agrimorfee - July 25, 2008 - Report this comment
(ARtistry) Agreed with Rex..."Dave" is my favorite substitute for "Babe" in parody-writing. :) Never heard of sago...nice to have an explanation, but in performance it won't make sense to most people. Question: if the singer knows "Dave" cooks so crappily in verse 1, why did he let him start again?!:)
Tim Mayfield - July 26, 2008 - Report this comment
Maybe Dave is really big and scary, so the singer is afraid for his life whether he eats or not?? :-)
Max Power - July 28, 2008 - Report this comment
They splat
Below Average Dave - August 07, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) This may not be about me, but man I know how this "Davey" feels when it comes to cooking:) I don't know, maybe it's because I don't hate Brandy as much as others, but I thought this was very good. This actually has turned out to a good round. "Dumplins Shouldn't Bounce", that's just hilarious, your first verse was the strongest verse-my only recommendation is to try and carry that type of strength through the whole song, but regardless this would make for a pretty good recording.
Agrimorfee - August 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Conqueror, thanks to your parody, "dumplings dehnt bunce!" is among my favorite sayings around my house (I have the Red Dwarf DVD with this episode, too!)

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