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Song Parodies -> "The Bad Dates"

Original Song Title:

"The Bad Touch"

Original Performer:

Bloodhound Gang

Parody Song Title:

"The Bad Dates"

Parody Written by:

Below Average Dave

The Lyrics

I'm at
**Intro (Appears in album version, spoken and not in video)**
Ha-ha! Fail!
That's what happens when he's dating
Yes, there are so many examples of horrible dates that you will laugh about
**End Intro**

Wish she wasn't such a damn putz
**End Whisper**

Hey Baby, Hey Baby
Jet, waiter get the check please
because I could not eat my lunch after you opened your mouth
Please close that trap, and don't yap, close it up when you munch
Saw the pickles, saw your dessert and you're eyes look all blood shot
Don't wear enough, I see your stuff, You're drinking Duff, in wine you drown
Soon you'll be plastered, that you've mastered, As you gulp one more glass down
There's ten hickeys on your neck, This blind date was a wreck,
and in between your rocks food's intertwined
Is that mold growing on your molars-please go get your teeth refined

Bolting now
Watching her flap her jaws like a camel
Wasn't really half as bad as her decayed tooth enamel
Give me that check now
She handed me a number and said her name was Gail
I told her don't bother because on this date she had failed
Leavin' out here now

It's what you do when sitting at a movie
Well I once met a girl who's clueless, thought to yap through it was groovy
Please disconnect - Because that's disrespect, the speakers cannot seem to compete
As the movies playing disobeying by conveying on your cell phone about Pete
We are getting eyed, think I'll slide outside, Before one of these guys flip
She asked me "Hun, Why are you leaving", "Because You Can't shut those lips"
Walked out the door, She called me slime
that's fine other guests soon got hostile
They attacked her in the aisle, 9-1-1's the next thing she dialed

Watch it now
She was talking much more than I could handle
Next thing that I knew folks were lighting torches and candles
What's the next date pal
I once met this girl who was into shackles
While meeting her outside, I was hurt by her rough tackle
Gettin' angry now

Tried all date lines from Craigslist to email
but sometimes it turns out people leave out major details
Holy crap pal
I've met some dates who were slightly unstable
Even caught one of them stealing my jumper cables
Really now?
Dated the whole flock, but to no avail
My ego has been shot, and trust has gotten frail
Man that sucks pal!
Maybe some day I'll go out there and mingle
but Really right this second, I think I will stay single
soundin' smarter now!
This has been a Below Average Dave Production, All Rights Reserved

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   14

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
I'm guessing this one is for the Ages of Amiright competition and I'm also guessing... I'm screwed.
Agrimorfee - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Wow, not only funny, but so smoothly done.
Stan Hall - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Never heard of the group or the OS -- and am guessing that's nthing I regret -- but the parody version is easily "singable" to a generic rap beat, and in that context as easily 3-way fivable.
Re blind dates -- had a few of those in college days and while more of them were good than not -- lucky me -- the ones that weren't would utterly empty your lyric hyperbole. I won't speculate what any of either lot though of me. :-)
LilSpurHO - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
. . . I got spurs that Jingle, Jangle, Jingle, as I go ridin' merrily along; and they sing , "Oh, ain't you glad you're Single!" . . .
Below Average Dave - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Thank you very much Matthias, Agri, Stan, & LilSpurHO . . . The idea for this one was strong, but I took an extra few days fine tuning and editing it to make sure I had it the way I wanted it. I'm glad the extra editing was noticed, It was actually a very fun song to parody.
Peregrin - December 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Funny stuff with a difficult OS, Badman :)
flipside - December 09, 2008 - Report this comment
wow! This would be a hard song to parody since it's pretty much rap except for the chorus. That was awesome! 5-5-5
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - December 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Hilarious stuff. Minor pacing blips here and there but some great rhyming couplets throughout and a great finish.
Stuart McArthur - December 10, 2008 - Report this comment
excellent BADave - esp. liked the ending and "but sometimes it turns out people leave out major details" - 555
Wolverine - December 19, 2008 - Report this comment
(Ages) "Hello, you've reached 555-SHACKLE". Dave, that's not the date request line you should be calling. :-)
Arwen - December 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Ages--wow...I listened to the OS a couple of times, and I can't imagine even trying to tackle it. But tackle it you did! Pair that with your hilarious lyrics, and you've got a winner! Nice work!
EmiLoca - December 27, 2008 - Report this comment
(Ages) Haha this round has me listening to all the naughty songs that my parents wouldn't let me hear on the radio. Lots of amusing imagery in this one - but spare us the video. ;-)
bobpiecheese - December 29, 2008 - Report this comment
(Ages) A few pacing quibbles, but otherwise this was great work, BAD! 555!
tomario - December 29, 2008 - Report this comment
(ages) kudos for taking this on BAD. and a dam fine job you made of it too.
Jeff Reuben - January 07, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) I'm reading through the first stanza and thinking, "I do all these things...what's wrong with that???" Hmmm...that explains way too much :) Excellent job with a tough one.
Glen S - January 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Rather epic, BAD. I have mixed feelings about rap parodies because the pacing is all over the place in the first place, but you definitely have a knack for keeping the flow intact. 'Handle/torches and candles' was a highlight for me.
Agrimorfee - January 12, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Touched again.
MasonR - January 12, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM - DKTOS but lots of funny lines here! Just another reason to be glad I'm happily married and don't have to deal with that scene!
Silver Power - January 13, 2009 - Report this comment
I've heard the original, but I only recall the chorus and the beginning, and it all sounded good to me, so 5's.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 17, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Still cringeworthingly hilarious!
Peter Andersson - January 18, 2009 - Report this comment
And here I was thinking this was gonna be another Christmas parody, about eating bad dates (now there's a foul pun for you with that kind of mind) and getting the runs, I'm as disappointed as after a bad date, not. :-)
Chris Bodily TM - January 19, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I was only familiar with the chorus, and the parody as a whole was a bit hard to follow, but that's really not your fault. I loved the concept and it had some good lines. 455
Jeff Reuben - January 28, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) An excellent song in Ages, a contender here :)
bobpiecheese - January 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Max Power - January 30, 2009 - Report this comment
At least it wasn't the one Adam Sandler have.
Stuart McArthur - January 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) see above, and I know the ins and outs of this OS well Dave, so I can appreciate the fine job you did with some of the fast-paced phrasing - also kudos for varying all the choruses at the end -
McKludge - January 31, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM - There's a reason I haven't tried to parody a rap song yet, and it's because they are a b!tch to pace. You had some good lines here (the stable/cables and mingle/single couplets), but the pacing was a tad off. Maybe it works better as a performance.

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