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Song Parodies -> "Beat Thine Quest"

Original Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Parody Song Title:

"Beat Thine Quest"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

If you're like me, you always save the main quest in a fantasy RPG for last. Also, if you're like me, you occasionally wonder what the in-game NPCs think of your shenanigans...
Welcome, Put-Name-Here
It is with great regret and reservation that we're all stuck in this plight
But still, we hope that you take your axe, slay foes then and there
And save us all from our greatest threat: your boredom

Beat thine quest, beat thine quest, put your courage to the test
There's no in-game time limit, but geez, it's no polite request
Take your sword, save this world, don't find random beasts to hurt
The gold inside them is pittance, not worth ending their existence
Wasting swings of your axe killing hordes of bloody rats
When the first temple is right there to the west
I shouldn't have to tell you your main task again, dude
Beat thine quest, the main quest, beat thine quest

Yes, it's true that this game has a very wide array
Of diversions from the purpose you put this disc in the tray
There's romance, tons of wares to collect, but I don't care
The Dark Lord's still out there raining massive death, hence my complaining
When there's so many things to complete to save the king
What is one to do? Can't open ev'ry chest
A higher armour class won't save your pixel ass
Go beat thine quest, might've guessed that I'm feeling pretty stressed
Well assessed, now go west, beat thine quest

You smell something burning? Wait, my curtains! Not deserving
That at all, you big asshole, the hell is wrong?
Now you're casting spells at my disciples
Balls of flame and ice, you've lost the plot
NPCs you're gutting all because of my poor nudging
Wanted you to simply try to use your skills
Our whole town is lying in burnt rubble
[Reload save?] Feel hazy, could've sworn you just went crazy

Do the quest, do the quest, don't be such a useless pest
Asking all the people fourteen thousand questions? I protest
You want dirt just to see if there's more sidequests for thee
Enough for you to be doing, giant monsters need pursuing
I'd be fine if this all wasn't just for more damn gold
Sympathy's not a feeling you have expressed
You're just a greedy douche with a big job to do
Recall your quest? The main quest?
Do that quest, beat thine quest

Beat thine quest, beat thine quest, sorry if I sound obsessed
But your crazy nutball antics give me cardiac arrest
First you steal all our cheese, then you crouch behind my knees
Sure, your stealth skill keeps on growing, but my patience is what's going
"All for naught"'s what I thought when you jumped around non-stop
And of course, you did that while you were undressed
The Chosen One's a moron, there's a bloody war on
It's thine quest, just get dressed, you great pest
Please beat thine quest

Just realised I could've made a reference to the player skipping all the dialogue, but I don't know how that would work in song. I think the "reload save" part's weird enough in that regard, TBH.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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Jonathan - June 20, 2017 - Report this comment
my brother, (an avid gamer,) is also this way! loves side missions! 5s
Claude Prez - July 02, 2017 - Report this comment
Hi! I'm not a gamer but I love BOG parodies and this one was quite good. Fave line -- The Chosen One's a moron, there's a bloody war on. Well done!

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