-> "H - M - D'Oh!"
Original Song Title:
"Be Our Guest!"
Beauty and the Beast - Disney
Parody Song Title:
"H - M - D'Oh!"
Dearest subscriber 568-A-JRK--0FF— It is with the deepest ennui and flattest affect that we incuriously welcome your managed carcas. And now, we invite you to wait… wait… cough up several co-pays… then wait… as Springfield's Wellness n' Ancillary Nuclear Storage Facility apathetically prepares – your admission!
H – M – O!
[Dr. Julius Hibbart]
Hell, that ‘H’ is just for show!
And I'll, yes—under duress—confess
Our ‘M’ is also faux!
When you come here all sick
We’d prefer you ‘check out’ quick
Linger-on—our profits suck it
Be a pal and—kick the bucket!
Our ‘health’ plans—games of chance
Rigged to harvest cash from pants!
Though we love your ‘quid’ we’re stingy with ‘pro quo’
Bring on your hemophilia
I’ll stiletto ‘heel’ ya’
Hey Van Gogh!
‘Ear you go…
If I'm ill, indisposed,
Ruptured spleen’d or broken nosed?
Or my 4-plus hour stiffie’s smelling iffy—?
[ Nurse Krusty ]
Guys, you’re hosed!
Massive stroke, turning blue?
[ Krusty ]
Here’s a Band-Aid—scram, adieu!
Quell my outrage!
My accountants *know* you’re feigning!
“We’ll deny - care you want”
Read your contract’s 3 point font
‘Cause ‘OurAss®’ is all that’s covered don’cha know?
Enjoy ze Mu-zak tracks—
While we de-booze our quacks
Are HMO’s - Satan’s grail?
Ask our spokesman - Christian Bale!
Down I go?
[Dr. Hibbart spoken: Now, take in a slow, deep breath…]
What's that sweet aroma?
Most our staff have “Phelp’s Glaucoma”
See our clerks brush-up on ‘jerk’ in mute tableaus
Ah, those good old days of fee-for-service...
Suddenly they’re ‘Doc n’ Pony’ shows!
Hours we keep you waiting—
Thins the herds—
it’s Tesh-ly grating!]
Yet these tactics buy my jets and haute chateaus
Denials are the life-blood of my system!
Reining and constraining—
And we call it “Health McBlaine'ing”!
I limped in – broken toe...
You'll depart – a kidney low!
Don’t be pissed—it’s on Craig’s List
So you can buy it back, you know!
ADD? Broken legs?
Say hello to Doctah Dregs!
M.D.-J.D.’s manning gurneys—
We're our own defense attorneys!
[Drs. Hibbart & Dregs]
Like Doc Phil - and Kildare
We’ve degrees in ‘savoir-faire’
Charming bullies pulling woolies o’er your eyes!
Barrack can’t save you, Mitch—
The FDA’s my bitch!
It’s no surprise
On my case
For spreading LIES!
HMO - plastics, Whoa!
Butt, where else you gonna go?
You’d trust Bed, Bath and Behind™ ,
Or Circus Titty’s ‘Dome Depot™’?
We’ll re-‘vamp’ - your bust’s ramps
With our peanut-paste implants!
Flying cheap Dow™ ‘Nutty Jugs’ in—
Oops! Yours landed in Jen Hudson!
B i g – t i m e – c r o o k s!
M e d i - M o b!
Bada bing’ing ‘Doogie Schwabs’!
And I've just retained the perfect C.E.O.!
So doff your minion’s hat off
To Chief… Bernie Madoff!
[ All ]
IT’S... H – M – DOUGH!!!
(Krusty, spoken: Don’t worry, you’ll only feel a little prick…)
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