There was a time
When Lindsay's career just started
That sweet little girl never touched a line
But soon that girl learned
Right around when Mean Girls charted
Liquor and drugs were so easy to find
Now Lindsay,
I don't want, to preach, but I must insist
Don't you know doin' blow ain't the way to stay on the A list?

Now she's cryin' cause she's got to
Serve time, oh no, boo hoo
In the state penitentiary
Yeah, she's cryin'cause that book flew
That judge Marsha, she is no fool
She don't wanna hear- no more pleas
No!

Now her partyin' can't resume
The law is such a pain
Ain't this stuff you get out of
When you've got money and fame?

Oh poor Lindsay
She was once the next big thing
But now she's been fined
And will be put away
She commited a crime
It's called major career f*cking
She's looking to be
A child star cliche
But wait, don't admit defeat
You know Paris got through this
Okay, that's not, such a good name
But she's still on some guest lists

Oh stop cryin' now won't you?
No use tryin', judge won't undo
You're not getting sympathy
Should've been complying when they told you
If you were tryin' you'da had a clue
When your SCRAM bracelet went beep beep

And, once she gets inside
Seven twenty is the day
She'll, think of, "live above", her fans' love
Maybe then she'll find her way
Yeah right!

She was cryin' in that courtroom
All those drugs that she consumed
Resulted in misery
On her nail, it said "f*ck u"
Oh Firecrotch, you are so screwed
Why do you do what you do cuckoo
Maybe, baby, maybe, oh wait...
DINA, YOU'RE PARTIALLY TO BLAME!

Just keep tryin' to think of Drew
She got caught up in drugs too
But she got through yesiree
Just quit cryin' and bid adieu
Do your time and start anew
You're still young though you look forty-three
Stop lying' and face your due
Ninety days, it's just a few
And you'll only serve twenty-three
Be nice to the prison crew
Maybe they can get you
Some cable on your tv, tv, tv, tv, look you're on TMZ!