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Song Parodies -> "Really Need A Pen"

Original Song Title:

"Here I Go Again"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Really Need A Pen"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Dude gets stabbed and decides to leave a message to help catch the killer...and gets weirdly meta about it. BTW, this is based on the 87 version of the song because a) that's the video I found first, b) I was two-thirds done before I learned there were two different versions and c) that's the version that became a hit (#7 on the 1987 Billboard Year-End chart and all).
The blood, it won't stop flowin'
It would almost make me si-ick
Must hold in my vomitin', there's things to do today
Well, one, to be precise:
Leave a note for one to find
And so I need a pen
Really need a pen

The search would be a huge disaster
If they don't have a clue-ue what they're lookin' fo-or
And so I stay, searchin' in my bags and my dra-awers
Cause even though I blee-ee-eed
I'm the cold open kill, they'll need a lea-ead

Really need a pen, so they'll kno-o-ow
A cryptic-ass hint on where they need to go-o
Guess a pencil might work here, but I say no-o-o
A pen's best for what I-I
Must do to help solve this crime

May look like my priorities are quite skewed
Shouldn't I call a first aid tea-eam?
But I can't start the plot if I get healed, no wa-ay
I've been stabbed fatally-y-y
To set the mood of this show instantly-y

And so I need a pen so they'll kno-o-ow
A vague-as-hell clue on who to punch, no jo-oke
I can't say who did it outright, you should kno-o-ow
That's not how this works, ri-ight
The fourth-wall damage ain't sli-ight
Point is I need a pe-en
Really need a pe-en
Really need a pe-e-e-e-en
Where'd one go-o?

Say this blood that I blee-ee-eed
Would make a great message-maker with ea-ease?

I said I need a pen, you should kno-o-ow
That the ratin' of this series is quite lo-ow
So although I have been stabbed, no blood's on sho-o-ow
So I can't scrawl down li-ines
In my blood that's AB ty-ype
And so I need a pen, where'd it go-o-o?
I keep limpin' all around the room like so-o
Need to fulfil my short role before I go-o-o
This is my only sce-ene
Unless this is a show with magic, plea-ease
I might not need a pen if that's so-o-o
Am I in the credits sequence? I don't kno-ow
Wait, what's this behind my ear? Hey, there'd it go-o-o

Kryten: The poor devil must've scrawled it in his death throes, using a combination of his own blood and even his own intestines.

Rimmer: Who would do that?

Lister: Someone who badly needed a pen.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   19

User Comments

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Peter Andersson - April 15, 2016 - Report this comment
I didn't know your generation knew how to write without a cellphone! ;-)
Jonathan - April 15, 2016 - Report this comment
hey conqueror there are technically three versions of the song if you count this one: < sure it's just a radio edit of the '87 version but still... anyway great dark parody of yet another awesome tune from the '80s! 5's
🐱 - April 15, 2016 - Report this comment
BobPiecheesd, not great but okay.
John Lomain - April 17, 2016 - Report this comment
Really creative and well written

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