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Song Parodies -> "Stuck In A Chapel With Alma White"
Original Song Title:
"Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White"
(MP3)Original Performer:
"Weird Al" Yankovic
Parody Song Title:
"Stuck In A Chapel With Alma White"
Parody Written by:
Hu's On First
The Lyrics
John A. Barry wrote a parody about Aimee Semple McPherson the other day, which inspired me to write a parody about Semple's contemporary from the same era, "BIshop" Alma White. The two of them were bitter rivals. Alma White was a far more sinister character, however, as she was a supporter of the Ku Klux Klan (which she believed was an ancient organization that Christ's Disciples had been members of) and claimed that the Bible justified her bigotry.
Pastor, every night I have these scary dreams
Pastor, listen to me tell me what this means
First, I'm walkin' round a park with purple trees
Then all of the sudden I see bumblebees
Their legs fall off and then they fly right by a bear
Lead me to a time machine that's sitting by the stair
Now Pastor, wait a minute, that's when things got weird
I walked into that time machine and then disappeared
Went back to the 20s, I was in a church
The lady preacher said some things that made me lurch
Suddenly she's tellin' me the Klan is great
And Jews, Papists, Blacks and Reds we all must hate
'Cause I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Help me, stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Night after night after night after night
All right!
Pastor, hey, I need your help, oh can't you see
Can't spend my nights listenin' to this she-Pharisee
Why would God make me listen to this woman of cloth
Who hates foreigners and says they feed from a trough
When she raises her hand, what's she giving her praise
Is is the Lord Almighty, or the Aryan race?
'Cause I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Help me, stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Night after night after night after night
And she won't shut up and she won't pipe down
And she's just like a scary anti-semitic clown
And she says ban liquor and the Romans too
And she says the Lord has put a curse on the Jews
And I wish that God would fill this chick with shame
'Cause she's spreading hate and fear and evil in his name
And I know the stuff she's saying just ain't true
But my sinful mind is saying "Alma, can I get in the sheets with you?
Come on Alma, come on!
Pastor, all those crazy dreams have started again
Now it seems I'm going back to the year 1210
See I'm on a big boat with some guys who have swords
Who say they're heading East to shed some blood for the Lord
And then Richard Lionheart's head turns to a gourd
And the manatees flyin' 'round just got me bored
Then I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Night after night after night after night
Then I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Night after night after night after night
Then I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Night after night after night after night
Pastor, listen to me tell me what this means
First, I'm walkin' round a park with purple trees
Then all of the sudden I see bumblebees
Their legs fall off and then they fly right by a bear
Lead me to a time machine that's sitting by the stair
Now Pastor, wait a minute, that's when things got weird
I walked into that time machine and then disappeared
Went back to the 20s, I was in a church
The lady preacher said some things that made me lurch
Suddenly she's tellin' me the Klan is great
And Jews, Papists, Blacks and Reds we all must hate
'Cause I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Help me, stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Night after night after night after night
All right!
Pastor, hey, I need your help, oh can't you see
Can't spend my nights listenin' to this she-Pharisee
Why would God make me listen to this woman of cloth
Who hates foreigners and says they feed from a trough
When she raises her hand, what's she giving her praise
Is is the Lord Almighty, or the Aryan race?
'Cause I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Help me, stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Night after night after night after night
And she won't shut up and she won't pipe down
And she's just like a scary anti-semitic clown
And she says ban liquor and the Romans too
And she says the Lord has put a curse on the Jews
And I wish that God would fill this chick with shame
'Cause she's spreading hate and fear and evil in his name
And I know the stuff she's saying just ain't true
But my sinful mind is saying "Alma, can I get in the sheets with you?
Come on Alma, come on!
Pastor, all those crazy dreams have started again
Now it seems I'm going back to the year 1210
See I'm on a big boat with some guys who have swords
Who say they're heading East to shed some blood for the Lord
And then Richard Lionheart's head turns to a gourd
And the manatees flyin' 'round just got me bored
Then I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Night after night after night after night
Then I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Night after night after night after night
Then I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
I'm stuck in the chapel with Alma White
Night after night after night after night
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This is a clever rendition of the OS which I like.
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