If we’re gonna survive and eventually thrive,
certain old pastimes will have to be banned.
It is simply a sign of these brand-new times:
We can no longer shake hands.

In the old days we went
up and greeted a gent
with a method we’d both understand.
But we are now living in quite different times:
We can no longer shake hands.

It’s a urge that’s been known
for years, but now it’s been shown:
Old habits can’t be practiced in this land.
It’s no longer OK for our palms to grind:
We can no longer shake hands.

Tight grips, now taboo—
a flesh-press, best eschew.
That was from another day.
So keep your head and don’t be led
to a handshake, just find another way.

Forget the hand grope; instead just emote
if you have got a mutual fan.
Another choice is: Make a manual sign:
We can no longer shake hands.

Yeah, it sounds pretty mean,
but shaking’s a has-been;
new world gives us new demands,
to which we now all have gotta be resigned:
We can no longer shake hands.

Tight grips, now eschew—
a flesh-press, is taboo…
habit from another day.
So keep your head and don’t be led
to a practice you might regret some day.