I don't know... oh where all the wipes have gone
I don't know what I just left
I just flushed the john
They say that it's cruel
To let out all of your poo
But when all your stool goes through
I'll splat something

(chorus)
Two farts, then it runs
Two farts, then it runs
Two farts

I just stained my pants
Lordy, stuck in this strange stance
Oh shi*! Can't drop my pants
Feces... starts to crawl like ants

(chorus)

Clean that crack, better wipe
Gets on everything - ew - what a plight
Gets on you, gets on me
Gets awful!

I don't know.... how much time I'm stuck on the head
It could take up an entire night
My rectum turns to red
Colon's putting up a fight
Digestion is screwed
All this gas that I'm passin'
Boy, it's like a cloud in here
And these turds collectin'
Too gross to wanna view

(chorus)

I try to let it spout
All of this pain
The way it feels
OH NO!!!

Two farts

(sounds of splattering and someone screaming)

(3x)
I just stained my pants
Lordy, stuck in this strange stance
Oh shi*! I can't drop my pants
Feces... starts to crawl like ants