there's a little black spot on my drawers today
it's the same pair I wore yesterday
there's a hair I think stuck right to that spot
when I farted the wet one, I guess it plopped

I stood her inside I tried the perfect strain
where the wind will release, and the crap remains
now it didn't feel wet I had to squeeze again
now it's my destiny to be the king of stains

there's a little black spot on my underwear
(that's my hole back there)
it's the same pair that I wore yesterday
(that's my hole back there)
when I squeezed it all out I didn't think it plopped
(from my hole back there)
usually wet ones I can feel and can stop
(bless my hole down there)

I have stood right outside a can and had to beg
mister hurry up please, it's running down my leg
and I know I'll need soaping just to clean my skin
for christ sake come on, and let my poor ass in

there's a timbit right in my fruit of loom
(hope it's not in hair)
it must have slipped from my rectal room
(I should shave back there)
i'm ashamed to say that's it's come to this
(watch my hole back there)
now you know why I sit to piss
(bless my hole back there)

I have stood right outside a can and had to beg
mister hurry up please, it's running down my leg
and I know I'll need soaping just to clean my skin
for christ sake come on, and let my poor ass in

as I sit on the throne it all slithers out
for the blind, it smells, so there's no doubt
does a rich man sit like this every night
and does somebody else get to clean his stripes?

there's a box of febreze in my backpack
(for my hole back there)
I could have a disease. I have a leaky crack
(yup, my hole down there)
I guess I'm always hopin that I'll miss again
but it's my destiny to be the king os dtains

king of stains
king of stains
king of stains
I will always be king of stains