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Song Parodies -> "Cancel My Subscription"

Original Song Title:

"Walk Like an Egyptian"

Original Performer:

The Bangles

Parody Song Title:

"Cancel My Subscription"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Soon, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue will be coming out. And, as usual, a bunch of prudes will be writing in protest, saying, "Cancel my subscription!" Hopefully, this won't be pushed over into WhatFreaks.
(instrumental opening)

All the shutterbugs catch the girls
who do the sand dance, don't you know.
If they click too quick
(oh way oh)
they're gonna feel like a bum and so
all the bizarre men wait a while
they're by their mailbox, you can bet.
Such leering smiles
(oh way oh)
they'll read and need a cigarette.
But they'll write and be so uptight, say
(way oh, way oh, oh way, oh way oh...)

"Cancel my subscription!"

(instrumental break)

Blonde model chicks take your eyes
which spin around like they did before.
See Vendela
(oh way oh)
you drop your drink, she's dressed like a whore.
All the school kids, so sick of books
want Elle Macpherson in their hands.
When their dads walk in
(oh way oh)
they're having a conniption!

All the pops, want this to stop, say
(way oh, way oh, oh way, oh way oh...)

"Cancel my subscription!"

(instrumental break)

(whistles... possibly including wolf whistles)

Once Cheryl Tiegs, and later on
the former Mrs. Billy Joel
that Christie rocks
(oh way oy)
Paulina took over her goal.
If you want to find all the boys
they're treating these girls as if they're toys.
They sweat and pant
(oh way oh)
their moms get upset at the noise.
In England and Scotland, their wails
they love Kathy Ireland.
But the censors know
(oh way oh)
they won't put up with this again!

They're the pits, they're such hypocrites, say
(way oh, way oh, oh way, oh way oh...)

"Cancel my subscription!"

"Cancel my subscription!"

(instrumental fadeout)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin rhodes - January 30, 2006 - Report this comment
that's the kind of sport i WANT illustrated
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - January 30, 2006 - Report this comment
There's no guarantee that it will still be there when YOU (whoever you are) read this, but I found a live version of the original song here:

Anyone who can make a parody of this song this good has my respect, I had a "Cook like a Talaxian" parody idea playing around in my head for a long time and if ST: Enterprise hadn't been cancelled I might still have.
MasonR - January 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Personal experience: Last year, when I was an editor at Popular Photography magazine, we did an article called "So You Want To Be A Playboy Photographer" and...despite the fact that we used VERY tame shots (no nudity, believe it or not) we got the inevitable "Cancel my subscription" letters. At least it wasn't as bad as a number of years ago when, so I've been told, Pop ran a nude on the cover, and one irate reader sent it back...with bullet holes in it! (Oh yeah...nice parody, Mr. P!)
Red Ant - January 30, 2006 - Report this comment
I would say everyone buys SI just to get the swimsuit edition but given how you love sports I suspect it's a bonus. Great job on a tough OS.
Michael Pacholek - January 31, 2006 - Report this comment
One year, I was complaining about too much Christie Brinkley in my SI and not enough Reggie Jackson. The next year, it was "Goodbye, Reggie, hello, Kathy Ireland!" (OK, Reggie had a bad year.) I suspect that a lot of boys first understood lust with the SI Swimsuit Issue. (Funny how "The Dreaded SI Cover Jinx" doesn't seem to hurt the models.) And, I'm sure, a lot of boys first understood that they might be gay when they saw Jim Palmer not in his Orioles uniform but in his Jockey underwear ads.

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