Name is Earl, live your pitiful life
You're a dirty young man, I can smell
You've got a lot of that dark colored hair
But your hair's gross and wet,
And it's there on your chest
And you're choking yourself, you cannot breathe it
You're killing yourself if you just leave it

Why must you be such a hairy young man?
Your mother looks quite fine to me.
And don't you know, it's a cynical land
And you can't walk along
When you look like King Kong

And you're choking yourself, you cannot breathe it
You're killing yourself if you just leave it
Shave down (shave down!)
Shave down to your feet
Were you shorter you'd be a damn hobbit
Yeah....Come on (come on!)
Fur coat's what you've got
Just slice it right off and don't grow it
Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ack

And you're choking yourself, you cannot breathe it
You're killing yourself if you just leave it
Shave down (shave down!)
Shave down to your feet
Were you shorter you'd be a damn hobbit
Yeah....Come on (come on!)
Fur coat's what you've got
Just slice it right off and don't grow it
Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ack