I bought a ticket, some popcorn
A hot dog from a cage
A pickle, some peanuts
A large Orange-Ade
I told my little brother
Now we've really got it made

Past the usher and the bathrooms
And down to the front row
The light from the projector
Time to start the show
The Stooges, Three Stooges
But we suddenly
Knew it would blow

Shemp replaced his funnier brother
Shemp came on and then we discovered
Nothing's going on
Now that Curly's gone
There's another
Shemp replaced his funnier brother
Shemp came on, we shouldn't have bothered

I'm at the drive-in, the snack bar
The playground and the swings
People keep on flashing
Their headlights at the screen
They wanna see the Stooges
And they're starting to get mean

In the movie, empty noggins
Skulls without a brain
Larry swings a hammer
Moe recoils in pain
The people, getting restless
They've found, to their disdain

Shemp replaced his funnier brother
Shemp came on and then they discovered
Nothing's going on
Now that Curly's gone
There's another
Shemp replaced his funnier brother
Shemp came on, they shouldn't have bothered

I bought the comics, home movies
A fortune down the drain
But it's not the money
That's driving me insane
My little brother told me
I've got Curly on the brain

Shemp replaced his funnier brother
Shemp came on and then I discovered
Nothing's going on
Now that Curly's gone
There's another
Shemp replaced his funnier brother
Shemp came on, I shouldn't have bothered