Song Parodies -> Addicted To Jerks
| Original Song Title: | "Addicted To Love" |
| Original Performer: | Robert Palmer |
| Parody Song Title: | "Addicted To Jerks" |
| Parody Written by: | Kristof Robertson |
An ode to love's (or at least lust's) natural pecking order... which sensitive guys like moi stare up at from the bottom
His lights are on, but no-one's home
He talks... like Sly Stallone
Knives and forks this guy ignores
But unlike me, he always scores
I've got plans; a career
He eats... wax from his ear
Yet every night he's getting play
Although he can't spell T & A...
Whoa, I'd like to think that being smart has its perks... but NO!
I'll tell you all the truth, although the truth really hurts
Too many women that I fancy are addicted to jerks
I like fine wines; Shakespeare, I read
He's into porn... and smoking weed
If it's true that love is blind
Why does she stare at his behind?
(A one-track mind...)
I'm quite annoyed
She likes 'em thick and unemployed
All her cash he will spend
On his best... stripper "friend"
Whoa, behind each corner some big football jock lurks... oh yeah!
He's gonna flash his pecs, he's gonna give her the works
Although she's got an MBA she's still addicted to jerks
Might as well face it, she's addicted to jerks.... (x5)
He loves his guns, and monster trucks
She loves... the way he fu...feels
A lack of brain: no handicap
He's a lap dog... with quite a lap!
Whoa, I see 'em driving in their Hummers and their Mercs (what the...?)
A present from "Miss Tuesday Nighter"; oh man, that irks!
I know he's laughing in my face, that freakin' dickhead-slash-jerk
Might as well face it, she's addicted to jerks.... (x5)
He talks... like Sly Stallone
Knives and forks this guy ignores
But unlike me, he always scores
I've got plans; a career
He eats... wax from his ear
Yet every night he's getting play
Although he can't spell T & A...
Whoa, I'd like to think that being smart has its perks... but NO!
I'll tell you all the truth, although the truth really hurts
Too many women that I fancy are addicted to jerks
I like fine wines; Shakespeare, I read
He's into porn... and smoking weed
If it's true that love is blind
Why does she stare at his behind?
(A one-track mind...)
I'm quite annoyed
She likes 'em thick and unemployed
All her cash he will spend
On his best... stripper "friend"
Whoa, behind each corner some big football jock lurks... oh yeah!
He's gonna flash his pecs, he's gonna give her the works
Although she's got an MBA she's still addicted to jerks
Might as well face it, she's addicted to jerks.... (x5)
He loves his guns, and monster trucks
She loves... the way he fu...feels
A lack of brain: no handicap
He's a lap dog... with quite a lap!
Whoa, I see 'em driving in their Hummers and their Mercs (what the...?)
A present from "Miss Tuesday Nighter"; oh man, that irks!
I know he's laughing in my face, that freakin' dickhead-slash-jerk
Might as well face it, she's addicted to jerks.... (x5)
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User Comments Follow...
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Ain't it the truth. Damn rednecks getting all of the action, while we have to buy more and more DVDs from Rocky's Adult Video.
I almost thought for a minute that this was written by one of my college friends from a few years ago. His feelings and frustrations exactly. 555
Ah, Kristof, guys like us always wake up one day to the realization that there's a wide gulf between what women SAY they want and what they fu...feel. 555
Love love love it, KR. I like to criticize too many of my friends for their choice of men...but I've also fallen for a jerk or 30 in my time...so I can't be too hard on them...; )
you speak the truth...and very humorously so
That is EXTREMELY true Kristof! You certainly excelled yourself here! I wrote something a bit more surreal for my latest parody! Anyway 555 as always Sir.
Excellence abounds, Kristof! 'He\\'s a lap dog... with quite a lap!', my fav among too many to recount 'jerk zingers'!
love it.
Ta very much, peeps!
Matthias: TMI, dude...TMI. ;-)
LBGG: It's a common complaint amongst menfolk
Rex: Amen, brother!
Arwen: hello, stranger! I won't hold it against you, babe...b ut, a jerk or 30? sheesh...;-)
Al: Know the truth, and it shall set you free!
Jase: Thanks, matey. I'll check yours out.
TJC: awww shucks! Cheers, dude.
Ciao!
Very funny and very true, but I gotta tell ya, it works both ways. Some guys tend to ignore the woman that's good for them and go for the nasty ones instead! 555
Very true, Yoidy...but I can hardly b!tch about that, can I? ;-) Thanks for the comment
Ann, thanks a bunch, sweetie!
I can see Arwen writing "Afflicted by Jerks", somehow... fun stuff, as always, K
Loved it!
Kristof. . .Kristof??? What the? Do you ever, I mean ever, write a parody that isn't SOTM material? A lack of brain: no handicap. . .yeah, know lots of those. . .great job.
Yoidy speaks the truth, ya know! But this was really great. And if you can magically find yourself a way to age yourself down a decade or two...I'm single and looking, dudes! ;)
Thanks Phil, PMS, Dave (surely you jest!) and Miss Cat (it would have to be 20 years!)...I'm astonished by the great response to this; obviously a subject close to many hearts.
omigod, could it be that you're getting even better at this, Kristof? especially loved the tie-ins to the OS's lyrics, the T & A line, and fu...feels - this would make a GREAT recording - 555
Hmmmm.... I know somebody who is really going to like this one... :-)
Too right Merry. Kristof, a masterpiece. You understand purrrfectly...
Missed this one when it was new...I've been busy. Great work, Kristof. 5-5-5 :)
(SOTM) 555 Excellently funny! Why does she like jerks? I think the answer is in line #25. :)
(SOTM) Preach on, Brother Kristof! I'm still looking for a woman who digs guys who write song parodies.
SOTM - Beef jerky
(SOTM) That was great! It's hard to expect less from you these days.
(SOTM) even better on the re-read KR, and what bobpie said - there are always big expectations whenever there's a Kristof parody on New Entries
I accidently stumbled onto this site, and if yours is ANY indication of the talent that resides here, I'll have trouble leaving! Excellent!
Just another post to see if the above is a repeating technical error
SOTM - Here we go again: Another great Kristof contemplation on love an d its irks!
(SOTM) - Commented
(SOTM) Yo, Adrian, gimme some fives for mah friend Kristof.
(SOTM) Once again Kristof gets the lion's share of the 555 votes! Well done.
This is ABSOLUTELY the truth, and I had to go to South America to find a woman who isn't!!! Arwen, "falling for" a jerk is one thing, but a lot of your countrywomen imo do this ON PURPOSE just to be spiteful, and I have no sympathy for them. At least it was that way where I used to live, and THANK GOD I don't live there anymore!!!
(SOTM) It was very funny Kristof as usual. . .honestly though--there were some real epic comedies in here that I think are going to get my vote for the month, but you know I love your work.
Love this! 5-5-5
SOTM- Excellent work, Kristof. And so accurate, alot of women do like the jerks. Thank god parodists are nice guys.
(SOTM) See above!
SOTM - How could they not love your superhuman parody writing abilities?
WTF? I never commented? Now I have! This ruled!
(SOTM) I echo Jack Wilson's comment. Excellent work to a favorite OS of mine. Best line: "Although he can't spell T & A...". If (when) you record this, please go with your first thought on the line Aggy mentioned. ;) 555
(SOTM) This was good, but you already know that. If only SHE cared, right? Security code is SLB...really...like it's got a mind of its own.
I can honestly say that I have never been addicted to any jerks - and if I hadn't gone and got meself married a few years ago I would certainly have fallen for your supreme intelligence and wit, Kristoff! Your abundance of talent leaves me in awe!
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This is view # 105
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Sneakin' Sally Through the Alley album at Amazon.com
The Very Best of the Island Years album at Amazon.com
Addictions, Vol. 1 album at Amazon.com
Best of Both Worlds: The Robert Palmer Anthology (1974-2001) album at Amazon.com
Pressure Drop album at Amazon.com
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