I know we've had birthday parties many times
But it's so darn frequent and it really sucks all the time
This time, my Mom blows the candles out
And I'm stuck with kiddies, they both just shout!!
I hear the same voices everywhere I go
Play Nintendo and I watch shows
I hate birthday parties, people in them, feel like a dead duck
Must say, boy, kids really suck!

Chillin' in the bedroom, my happiness deprived
Them kids get on my nerves, I didn't think I'd survive
Second they got over here, THey watched some old Ses'me Street
They will fry your mind and some cake, you'll eat

But when I turned the age seventeen, to my surprise
The kids were gone, my mood sure changed, felt mighty nice
Was used to whiny cousins who were kids
At that time, one was eight years old, and the other was ten
Now they are the ages of nine and eleven
I said 'Kids smel like poo' they are not my friends

One is runnin' 'round, I hate it, and they love to fight
Wrestling is not really my delight
Must be left 'lone, love classic rock
'Cause everybody knows that the new kids really suck.
(And I don't mean New Kids on the Block!)

It's very devistating when kids cause rage
I have phobias of very young age
I like bein' young-kids-without
Always cryin' for their mommies and I'm gonna turn and shout!!

They always talk trash, they don't smell clean
They don't close doors and they say lots of stuff that's obscene
These kids need to back to their school bus
'Cause these crazy kids can make me wanna cuss!!
I hate birthday parties, people in them, feel like a dead duck
Must say, boy, kids really suck!

Move away leave me alone, my room is trashed!!
You kids will clean up, or you'll do some math
'Cause I absolutely hate all the hip hop craze
And wrestling sucks by law, and nothing can amaze

My favorite songs are on records, guitar, drums, bass
I don't see how boy bands became such a big craze
I say having kids around makes me blue
Heck, these kids haven't even heard of Mötley Crüe!!

Kids are fresh. Really needs to be fixed
Ain't no one who don't know Nikki Sixx!!
"Hipster" kids really make my head spin!!
And I run for the hills the second they walk in

They just like Popeye, Name's Curtis and Kelly
The kids really make me very bored
When they gone? I have no clue
But let me tell you them kids have extremely low IQs

I'm called Chris B. (Biggest) Kid Hater in the World
I'm the greatest hater that you've ever heard
When the kids come along, I hope to God they don't stay!!
Boy, the new kids really suck, I hope they won't stay!!

Claaaaaasssiiiiic ROCK!!!