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Song Parodies -> "Christmas Music AllStars (SKETCH)"
Original Song Title:
"Various Songs"
Original Performer:
Miscellaneous
Parody Song Title:
"Christmas Music AllStars (SKETCH)"
Parody Written by:
Maximus Buttcrack
The Lyrics
Christmas AllStars
Mariah Carey, George Michael, Bing Crosby, Kirsty McCall, Shakin Stevens, Slade and Jona Lewie arrive at the party.
Shakin Stevens sings part of 'Merry Christmas Everyone'
Jona Lewie: Shaky, I have to ask you for some advice.
Shakin Stevens: What Jona?
Jona Lewie: Well, Mary Bailey waits at home. When I’m back from this party, my wife will make this a nuclear fallout zone.
Shakin Stevens: I don’t know man, all I can’t tell you is Merry Christmas Everyone!
Jona Lewie strolls off into the kitchen.
The people are partying when Bing Crosby starts singing White Christmas. Mariah Carey and George Michael shove Crosby off stage.
Mariah Carey: Go away old man!
George Michael: Make way for Michael Buble!
Michael Buble starts singing White Christmas instead.
Bing Crosby: But it’s the exact same song! And I did it first.
Bing Crosby strolls of into the kitchen after giving Michael Buble a look.
Scene 2:
Slade and Kirsty McColl are snogging at the back of the room when Slade’s wife shows up.
Slade’s wife: My god! YOUR SNOGGING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!
Kirsty McColl: Your already married! You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot. Merry Christmas you arse thank god its our last!
Slade: I’m sorry. I know.
George Michael stumbles onto the scene, drunk.
George Michael: Ha ha ha, Kirsty McColl was canoodling with Slade. Well Mrs Slade, Last Christmas I gave her my heart but the very next day, she gave it away.
Slade’s wife ignores George Michaels comment and slaps Slade, who then runs into the kitchen.
Scene 3:
George Michael and Mariah Carey are dancing together.
Mariah Carey: George, I don’t want a lot for Christmas, all I want for Christmas is you!
George Michael: I’m sorry, but after the whole Kirsty McColl thing, I’ve decided that I’m gay.
Mariah Carey runs away crying.
Scene 4:
Mariah Carey: Where’s Wizzard?
Michael Buble: I don’t know but I don’t want them there, I let them take the kids once, haven’t seen them since.
Mariah Carey: Well that’s sad, same happened to my friend but with The Wombles.
Scene 5:
The kitchen
Jona Lewie is having a drink while Bing Crosby smokes marijuana while Slade is sobbing.
Jona Lewie: Me, my friend John and his wife Yoko were planning to hold an anti-war protest at the party, it was going to be called 'Stop the Cavalry'
Bing Crosby: Well Jona, you cant stop war unfortunately. But Jesus will come and save us all one day and stop war.
Jona Lewie: I shouldn’t have told John and Yoko to drive with Chris Rea.
Bing Crosby: He’s known to be late, always gets stuck in traffic while driving home for Christmas.
Jona Lewie: I should have thought about that first.
A sound is heard in the distance from the party.
Jona Lewie: I guess Band Aid have come.
Scene 6
The party
Highway robbers (Boy George) arrive at the scene of the party
Band Aid Robber #1: Give us your money and food!
Band Aid Robber #2: It’s for the children in Africa!
Mariah Carey: All I have is a Pineapple slice.
Band Aid Robber #1: Liar! Give us your money!
George Michael: Give her it Mariah, Do they know it’s Christmas time at all!
Band Aid Robber #1: What do you have George, you seem like a charitable donor.
George Michael: Ahhhh, nothing! Nothing at all!
Band Aid Robber #2: I doubt it.
Band Aid Robber #2 knocks down George Michael and pulls a stack of 100 pound notes out of his pocket.
Band Aid Robber #2: Liar. Liar! Pants on fire!
Band Aid Robber #1 sets George Michaels pants on fire.
Band Aid Robber #1: Get wham’d! George Michael!
Band Aid Robber #2: I didn’t mean it literally.
Band Aid Robber #1: I hate him.
Michael Buble runs off into the kitchen and Band Aid Robbers go away after kidnapping Shakin Stevens.
Mariah Carey: Parties over! It was a disaster
Slade and Bing Crosby come back.
Mariah Carey: Well everyone came.
Bing Crosby: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Chris Rea were late and missed it. Jona Lewie has refused to come back in.
Mariah Carey: Well you always find him in the kitchen at parties.
Everyone (other than Shakin Stevens) gathers up and sings Jingle Bells before leaving.
Chris Rea, John Lennon and Yoko Ono arrive.
George Michael: Sorry, party just ended.
Chris Rea: Guess I gotta drive back home for Christmas.
Epilogue:
Slade signs the divorce papers.
John Lennon. Yoko Ono and Jona Lewie finally have their ’Stop the Cavalry' protest but no one other than the neighbours hears them and the police arrives and arrests them.
Mariah Carey, George Michael, Bing Crosby, Kirsty McCall, Shakin Stevens, Slade and Jona Lewie arrive at the party.
Shakin Stevens sings part of 'Merry Christmas Everyone'
Jona Lewie: Shaky, I have to ask you for some advice.
Shakin Stevens: What Jona?
Jona Lewie: Well, Mary Bailey waits at home. When I’m back from this party, my wife will make this a nuclear fallout zone.
Shakin Stevens: I don’t know man, all I can’t tell you is Merry Christmas Everyone!
Jona Lewie strolls off into the kitchen.
The people are partying when Bing Crosby starts singing White Christmas. Mariah Carey and George Michael shove Crosby off stage.
Mariah Carey: Go away old man!
George Michael: Make way for Michael Buble!
Michael Buble starts singing White Christmas instead.
Bing Crosby: But it’s the exact same song! And I did it first.
Bing Crosby strolls of into the kitchen after giving Michael Buble a look.
Scene 2:
Slade and Kirsty McColl are snogging at the back of the room when Slade’s wife shows up.
Slade’s wife: My god! YOUR SNOGGING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!
Kirsty McColl: Your already married! You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot. Merry Christmas you arse thank god its our last!
Slade: I’m sorry. I know.
George Michael stumbles onto the scene, drunk.
George Michael: Ha ha ha, Kirsty McColl was canoodling with Slade. Well Mrs Slade, Last Christmas I gave her my heart but the very next day, she gave it away.
Slade’s wife ignores George Michaels comment and slaps Slade, who then runs into the kitchen.
Scene 3:
George Michael and Mariah Carey are dancing together.
Mariah Carey: George, I don’t want a lot for Christmas, all I want for Christmas is you!
George Michael: I’m sorry, but after the whole Kirsty McColl thing, I’ve decided that I’m gay.
Mariah Carey runs away crying.
Scene 4:
Mariah Carey: Where’s Wizzard?
Michael Buble: I don’t know but I don’t want them there, I let them take the kids once, haven’t seen them since.
Mariah Carey: Well that’s sad, same happened to my friend but with The Wombles.
Scene 5:
The kitchen
Jona Lewie is having a drink while Bing Crosby smokes marijuana while Slade is sobbing.
Jona Lewie: Me, my friend John and his wife Yoko were planning to hold an anti-war protest at the party, it was going to be called 'Stop the Cavalry'
Bing Crosby: Well Jona, you cant stop war unfortunately. But Jesus will come and save us all one day and stop war.
Jona Lewie: I shouldn’t have told John and Yoko to drive with Chris Rea.
Bing Crosby: He’s known to be late, always gets stuck in traffic while driving home for Christmas.
Jona Lewie: I should have thought about that first.
A sound is heard in the distance from the party.
Jona Lewie: I guess Band Aid have come.
Scene 6
The party
Highway robbers (Boy George) arrive at the scene of the party
Band Aid Robber #1: Give us your money and food!
Band Aid Robber #2: It’s for the children in Africa!
Mariah Carey: All I have is a Pineapple slice.
Band Aid Robber #1: Liar! Give us your money!
George Michael: Give her it Mariah, Do they know it’s Christmas time at all!
Band Aid Robber #1: What do you have George, you seem like a charitable donor.
George Michael: Ahhhh, nothing! Nothing at all!
Band Aid Robber #2: I doubt it.
Band Aid Robber #2 knocks down George Michael and pulls a stack of 100 pound notes out of his pocket.
Band Aid Robber #2: Liar. Liar! Pants on fire!
Band Aid Robber #1 sets George Michaels pants on fire.
Band Aid Robber #1: Get wham’d! George Michael!
Band Aid Robber #2: I didn’t mean it literally.
Band Aid Robber #1: I hate him.
Michael Buble runs off into the kitchen and Band Aid Robbers go away after kidnapping Shakin Stevens.
Mariah Carey: Parties over! It was a disaster
Slade and Bing Crosby come back.
Mariah Carey: Well everyone came.
Bing Crosby: John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Chris Rea were late and missed it. Jona Lewie has refused to come back in.
Mariah Carey: Well you always find him in the kitchen at parties.
Everyone (other than Shakin Stevens) gathers up and sings Jingle Bells before leaving.
Chris Rea, John Lennon and Yoko Ono arrive.
George Michael: Sorry, party just ended.
Chris Rea: Guess I gotta drive back home for Christmas.
Epilogue:
Slade signs the divorce papers.
John Lennon. Yoko Ono and Jona Lewie finally have their ’Stop the Cavalry' protest but no one other than the neighbours hears them and the police arrives and arrests them.
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Reminds me a bit of a few years ago when one of the local TV stations ran non-stop Christmas song videos from Thanksgiving through New Year's Eve. I'm sure I saw everyone at least a hundred times, all but "In Dulci Jubilo", which, being an instrumental, which I had not heard before, was exceedingly hard to identify. Look up the Mike Oldfield version, it is the happiest piece of music ever recorded. I also liked the Fairy Tale of New York. Strange, but it is an Irish tune, and I have a genetic predispostion to favor those.
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