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Song Parodies -> "Bake It"

Original Song Title:

"Beat It"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Michael Jackson

Parody Song Title:

"Bake It"

Parody Written by:

Jonathan

The Lyrics

a parody requested by Rob, back when I wrote this:
http://www.amiright.com/parody/90s/nealmccoy1.shtml
please enjoy!
I tell you, I can’t take this diet no more
I bought some extra things, while I was at the store
some flour, and some eggs, so my taste buds won’t be bored
So Bake It, Just Bake It


with buttercream, and butter greasing the pan
don’t wanna just eat fruit, I can’t do that again
I want a big slice, though it widens my can
So Bake It, ‘cause I want some cake, bad!


Just Bake It, Bake It, Bake It, Bake It
with real butter, please don’t fake it
cake down my gullet, making me wide
tell me it’s wrong, but it feels so right
So Bake It, Bake It
Just Bake It, Bake It
So Bake It, Bake It
Just Bake It, Bake It


while out at the store, held off best that I could
almost convinced my dessert days were gone for good
and then I got a taste, a free sample, got wood
So Bake It, Just Bake It


you oughta know that this is really unfair
I never shoulda taken your dumb “Diet Dare!”
well J. Lo, Nicki, Meghan all like big derrieres
So Bake It, since I’m already fat


Just Bake It, Bake It, Bake It, Bake It
without cake, I just can’t make it
bake a 4-layer one, buttercream iced
with a cold glass of milk would be nice


Just Bake It, Bake It, Bake It, Bake It
with real butter, please don’t fake it
cake down my gullet, making me wide
tell me it’s wrong, but it feels so right
So Bake It, Bake It, Bake It, Bake It,
Bake It, Bake It, Bake It, Bake It


Bake It, Bake It, Bake It, Bake It
so what if I look bad naked?
show you how hungry I am for cake
feel kind of empty, my stomach aches


So Bake It, Bake It, Bake It, Bake It
without cake, I just can’t make it
bake a 4-layer one, buttercream iced
with a cold glass of milk would be nice


Just Bake It, Bake It, Bake It, Bake It
with real butter, please don’t fake it
cake down my gullet, making me wide
tell me it’s wrong, but it feels so right


Just Bake It, Bake It, Bake It, Bake It
so what if I look inflated?
show you how hungry I am for cake
feel kind of empty, my stomach aches
Just Bake It, Bake It, Bake It, Bake It… (fade out.)
thanks for reading!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   15
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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
Delicious! 555!
CML - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
As Weird Al Yankovich himself never once said -- Before you "Eat It" you gotta "Bake It" .... Now, "Beat It" you little scamp
Rob Arndt - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
Jon, you could also use the OS as "Heat It!"
Jonathan - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
^ Thanks Guys! and thanks for the new idea, Rob. will do!
annimal - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
or you could sweet it, but you're making it not me
Callmelennie - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
If he's starting from scratch, he's gonna have to knead it ... Just knead it, knead it, knead it, knead it ... No one wants desert re-heated
Jonathan - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
^ excellent suggestions, guys! I'll do 'em! (unless of course, Lennie, you feel like tackling that "Knead It" one yourself! :))
Rob Arndt - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
"Feed It" might be another one!
Ben - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
Jonathan, your food parodies always make me run to the fridge afterwards! 5s
annimal - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
Jonathan- go ahead and sweet it if you want. I've got something blue I'll see if I can have up next week.
Larry Hensley - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
This was magically delicious. Somewhat of a cooking theme today. 5's
chris christie - January 06, 2017 - Report this comment
mmm
Jonathan - January 07, 2017 - Report this comment
Thanks Everybody! and Rob, with your most recent suggestion, it looks like 2017 just maybe my year to "Beat It!" which is fine by me, I'm not a mega Michael Jackson fan, but this OS is one of the exceptions! :)
Rob Arndt - January 07, 2017 - Report this comment
Jon, you inspired me to do one too! Look for it on Monday. And for the record, you inspired me to write the most food and drink parodies this last year! Before that, I usually wrote more about weapons, warfare, women, and weird stuff. Oh, and I wrote a new Hitler food parody. I am honestly thinking about doing "The Hitler Diet" as an online book or compiling information about all records of his eating habits from all contacts covering his early sausage, beer, and potato days until his supposed conversion to a vegetarian lifestyle ( not entirely true as he was a cheater) for a published book. I find it amazing that the thousands of books on Hitler have bits of his diet, but there is no one authoritative book. For the record, the vegetarian account is pieced together mainly from a SINGLE food taster's POV, one of his cooks, and various conversations Hitler had about the cruelty of animal slaughter. Despite these, Hitler never stopped eating meat nor stopped drinking totally. These are myths. Hitler's doctor records, statements from Eva Braun, and interviews with the SS bodyguards tell the truth.
Dr. Theodor Morrell (dec) - January 07, 2017 - Report this comment
As Der Führer's personal physician, I can attest that he didn't like veggies, but he thought they might cure his chronic farting. Hitler's favorite dishes were squab, liver dumplings, caviar and succulent trout in butter sauce. I personally injected him with a constipation cure made of Bulgarian peasant's feces. Jonathan, you can have all these goodies delivered by SpeedWaiter.
Rob Arndt - January 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Not funny. Hitler suffered from gastrointestinal problems and the 28 meds he was forced to take by Morrell only led to more problems. His diet was fairly good and he even told his audiences that the future belonged to vegetarians (this was 1942). While his favorite dish was Leberkloesse (liver dumplings), he seldom had it after 1937. He had, on occasion, small bits of meat and slices of ham. He also drank champagne with Eva and his generals when celebrating military victories like the fall of France. He had Parisian chocolates flown in weekly until 1944. He also drank Fachingen mineral water which is still made in Germany. For someone so chronically ill, he ate the healthiest of the dictators of that time period.
Prioritizer - January 08, 2017 - Report this comment
I reserve my pity for Hitler's concentration camp victims with gastrointestinal problems so severe they could barely keep their champagne and Parisian chocolates down.
Rob Arndt - January 08, 2017 - Report this comment
You misunderstood. I was replying to the comments about flatulance and constipation which Hitler had before the Nuremberg Race Laws of 1935 and the Final Solution. You can demonize Hitler all you want, but examine his entire life from the start. He wasn't born a monster and up until the Thule Society groomed him to become Führer led a fairly normal life for that wretched post-WW1 period in Germany. Stating his good dietary habits is nowhere near exonerating him for anything. You should be equally appalled that NACA/NASA employed many of the Dachau doctors for the US Space Program for Space Medicine and made them citizens as well as the USAF which used the camp experiments records for pilot survival gear. Oh, and the SS discovered the cure for cancer in 1945 under Dr. Fischer. Alerting the authorities back home, the US Govt had all records confiscated and buried. All testimony at the Nuremberg trials on cancer success was equally erased from the records. If you knew anything of real history, then you'd know that the US and other nations commit assassinations, torture, and favor the White race over others. Look at the post-WW2 colonial wars and rescues. Indigenous peoples turned aside for massacre while Europeans rescued. I live in the real world. I don't believe in victor song history. Hitler didn't even die in the bunker and Bormann didn't die at Lehrter Station. Declassified records by the FBI, OSS-CIA, MI6, and other nations like Argentina, Paraguay, and Chile refute those lies. Hitler died in 1962 at age 73. Bormann died in 1959 of stomach cancer and his body shipped back to W Germany for falsified Lehrter Station second dig. The red clay over the skull is not indigenous to Berlin or Germany. It matches 100% his gravesite in Paraguay. No wonder they rushed to cremate the remains and scatter the ashes over the Baltic! So don't lecture me about anything concerning the Reich. Btw, the Hitler bunker story was fabricated by a British professor who specialized in medieval warfare. All the people he said he interviewed, he did NOT! He took the Soviet interrogation transcripts that all the Nazis later retracted and pieced together a false timeline. It was never true with no photographic nor forensic evidence to back it up. Zhukov, the NKVD, and Stalin all did not know where Hitler, Eva, or Bormann were. They took off in a Ju-52 on April 29, 1945 from the improvised Hohenzollerndamm airstrip running from the Brandenburg Gate to the Victory Column which acted as a control tower. The plane flew to German-held Denmark, then a switch to another transport with Spanish markings which took them to Spain where the Catholics helped them use the Ratlines of "The Spider/Die Spinne" to reach a port where a Type VIIC or Type IX took them to Argentina after 66 days at sea. They landed and had secure locations in Patagonia. Supported by the Perons until 1955. After that several moves to Paraguay, Chile, and eventually Brazil. Hitler had separated from Eva by 1958. Everything I have stated here is verified through over 15,000 declassified Intel documents and visual inspection of all sites concerning Nazi activity after WW2 involving thousands of people and various governments.
Prioritizer - January 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Regarding cancer, it was Otto Warburg, pupil of Emil Fischer, who arrived at important hypotheses. In 1923, he showed that cancer cells are different from normal cells in that their primary source of energy comes from fermenting sugar without needing oxygen. Today scientists are getting closer to curing cancer by following his brilliant breakthroughs. He was nominated for the Nobel Prize 47 times and won it in 1931. He probably would have received another in 1944, but Hitler did not allow German scientists to accept Nobel prizes.
In the 1930s, Germany had one of the highest cancer rates in the world and scientists throughout Germany felt that Warburg was the world's leading researcher most likely to produce a cure for cancer. Hitler was a hypochondriac who believed he had cancer after having had a large polyp removed from his throat. He wanted Otto Warburg to stay in Germany so he could continue his experiments and save him from dying of cancer. In doing so, the hypocritical Hitler ignored the fact that Warburg was half-Jewish.
Warburg showed that:
• many chemicals added to food and some used in agriculture can cause cancer by interfering with how cells turn food into energy
• some cancers are preventable
• smoking cigarettes causes cancer
• cancer cells can be destroyed by radiation
• cancer cells get their energy from sugar with and without oxygen.
Today, many researchers believe that Warburg was correct in thinking that cancer cells need to use sugar for energy, which may be the key to finding a cure. This might explain why cancers are associated with diets that are high in added sugars, red meat, fried foods and excess calories that lead to weight gain and diabetes.
And that, very sneakily, is also my comment on Jonathan's food parody.
Jonathan - January 08, 2017 - Report this comment
alright, cool! I'll look for your parody on Monday, Rob! :)
Rob Arndt - January 08, 2017 - Report this comment
I never said otherwise Prioritized and thanks for the Google search results. However, Warburg's life was spared and his initial work was passed on to SS Dr. Fritz Fischer who COMPLETED it and told his captors of his cure. All SS records were confiscated and removed, many were burned at the insistence of Washington DC. . At Nuremberg all testimony of good scientific cancer research that went on in the camps was removed and had no impact on war crimes judgement. Same with synthetic fuel through coal hydrogenation and oil from plant research, synthetics of all types, prefabrication methods for civil and wartime use, German Flugscheiben ( flight discs before alien UFO and flying saucer became popular from '47 forward). Do not try to play mind games with me MR. P. I specialize in the Third Reich and can dance circles around you all day. Everything I know is from decades of intelligence and experience. You have to run Google searches that regurgitate garbage and inaccuracies. The German discs as well as the Foo Fighters UCAVs of WW2 and operational EM Wave Cannon are contained in the US document German Capabilities for 1945 written in 1944. Coler's free energy Magnetstromapparat is proven by the BIOS reports. And other major things like military lasers, world's first military intercontinental communications system running from Norway through Europe to N Africa, panoramic radar, microwave weapons, bunker buster's (Rochling AC shell), Tv-guided missiles (Hs-298D), Stealth aircraft (Ho IX), rail gun (15 Cm Peenemunde cannon, 40mm Hansler electric gun), helical guns, maglev trains (DRG), rocket bullets, synthetic foods, D.IX pill, and other oddities are all recorded in tons of declassified documents from BIOS, CIOS, FIAT, US Government, FBI, OSS-CIA, SOE & MI6, and more. You are nothing but an ignorant amatuer compared to me.
Prioritizer - January 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Ah, FRITZ Fischer of Ravensbruck Concentration Camp, who performed mutilating surgery and amputations on healthy young Polish women to test the effectiveness of sulfanilamide. At the Doctors' Trial, Fischer apparently went insane, (or a least used insanity as a legal defense) and claimed that he had found the cure for cancer. The last line of his affidavit to the Court reads, "Since I succeeded in scientific discoveries of the highest practical importance, that is, the solution of the cancer problem and its therapy, I have not communicated this fact to Professor Gebhardt [his boss] and have not published this work in order not to be ordered again to carry out experiments." I'm confident you can support your conspiratorial assertion that the U.S. destroyed all records of "humanitarian" work by the Nazis and that a cure for cancer has been suppressed for more than 70 years.
Rob Arndt - January 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Ah, another pathetic Google search repeat. I strongly suggest you read "The Nazi War on Cancer" by Robert N. Proctor instead. And as for Fischer read the last part of his affidavit:
Subsequent to my repeated urgent requests, I went to the front as surgeon immediately after this conference. Only after I was wounded did I return as a patient to Hohenlychen. I never entered the camp Ravensbruck again. I protested vigorously against these experiments on human beings, endeavored to prevent them, and to limit their extension after they had been ordered. In order not to be forced to participate in these experiments, I repeatedly volunteered for front-line service. Insofar as it was in my power, I have tried to dissuade Doctor Koller and Doctor Heissmeyer from performing these experiments. I declined habilitation at the University of Berlin because I felt that it might result in my being obliged to carry on additional experiments at Ravensbruck. Since I succeeded in scientific discoveries of the highest practical importance, that is, the solution of the cancer problem and its therapy, I have not communicated this fact to Professor Gebhardt and have not published this work in order not to be ordered again to carry out experiments. [signed] ] Fritz Fischer Subscribed and sworn to before me this 21st day of November 1945.
The SS kept meticulous records of all human experimentation. How is it then that Fischer's cancer research records are missing? Given, some records transferred to medical facilities and universities in major cities were lost to Allied bombing raids, but the bulk of Fischer's work is gone. There should be volumes from the Reich Hygiene Ministry but they were destroyed. And what of the copies to the Nazi eugenics programs which covered hereditary disease? How can all that documentation be missing? Like coal hydrogenation, it is probably buried as the Texas A&M files were after a 10 year run of a moved Nazi plant to Brownsville, TX for studies of synthetic fuel. The US Army seized those records for Big Oil, but TA&M kept files on microfiche later recovered and reviewed! Review my parody on that here:
http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/screaminjayhawkins959.shtml
Prioritizer - January 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Stick to the subject, which is your (and Fritz Fischer's) claim that he found a cure for cancer. What is the evidence? The last sentence of Fischer's self-serving affidavit? If you can cite hard evidence, I will be happy to be privy to the biggest scandal in history! You ask, "How is it then that Fischer's cancer research records are missing?" What records? What research? All you can do is write about Big Oil's known seizure of coal hydrogenation research data. You cannot logically extrapolate that to the alleged destruction of cancer research documents. Most things are missing because they never existed! The razor blade that never gets dull. The white suit that never tears, wrinkles, or stains.
For other readers, Fischer was given a life sentence, which was commuted after 15 years. He then had a fairly long corporate career. Why did he not write anything about his previous "solution of the cancer problem and its therapy"? You "live in the real world", Rob? Gimme a break!
Rob Arndt - January 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Now you're just trolling and spamming Jon's thread. I cited and gave you an excellent book ref. And we all know that the Ravensbruck medical experinents were well documented. You list sone of the atrocities, but none of positive cancer research conducted based on Otto Warburg's previous work handed over to Dr. Fischer. Also, prior to his Nuremberg affidavit he gave extensive testimony to his interrogators when captured. Since his future with continued research would require more results with living human beings, he refused. His work was taken from him and other documents were destroyed by Allied bombing raids. The US through operations Paperclip and Lusty stole thousands of tons of German research and hardware captured in the field. Technologies were suppressed and buried, compartmentalized and forgotten. And since you're such an A-hole, please tell me when you ever viewed a RCS on a stealth drone, fired caseless at ARDEC, or been underground 30 stories watching an ANGRAV fly tethered? Ever see a SAP up close? Ever fire a .338 Erma SR-100 out to over 1200m? Of course not you pompous, smug, idiot. I have and more.You have no idea who you are talking to. I suggest you go back to Victor song history and Wiki. You are deceived, not me. NFR on Jon's thread.
Prioritizer - January 09, 2017 - Report this comment
You quiz me irrelevantly about military expertise. You insult me with vulgarities. You cite a book reference which describes not a cure for cancer, but Nazi public health policy to promote a cancer-free, hygienic Aryan society. You have failed to provide a source for the claim of a Nazi cure for cancer. It has been painful to witness your inability to think. I do not claim to have defeated you. You have defeated yourself. I now have a very good idea of who I'm talking to.
Thank you, Jon, for your gentlemanly indulgence, which always rates straight 5s.
Reader - January 09, 2017 - Report this comment
^ states the Wiki quoter
Comments Monitor - January 09, 2017 - Report this comment
These comments are off-topic. Get back to the parody which is wonderful or wunderbar!!! 5s
Jonathan - January 09, 2017 - Report this comment
^ Vielen Dank! :)

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