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Song Parodies -> "Bland (Modified Version)"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Michael Jackson

Parody Song Title:

"Bland (Modified Version)"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

This food's not fine
It don't taste right
A cooking disgrace
My mom was right
Like cheap tofu
It's got no appeal
Pass the salt, pepper to
Spice up this meal
Add on, add on
Some flavoring
That's right!

What's wrong with you
And spaghetti?
No oregano, no basil leaves
Where's Italy?
I'm telling you
This stuff is foul
Plain as can be
Sits in my mouth...

You can't make an omelet
You can't make a stew
You messed up boiled potatoes
Tasted better airline food!

Because it's bland, it's bland- I'm stunned
(Bland, bland- really, really bland)
Your food's bland , it's bland- you cooked it
(Bland, bland- really, really bland)
Your food's bland, it's bland- you ruined it
(Bland, bland- really, really bland)
And I ask you if I have to
Swallow this junk
Or just return it to it's pan
It's bland...

The word is out
Your cooking's crude
People spit out
Your tasteless food
Devoid of spice
Can't you get it right?
It's like poi
That Hawaiian fright!
And so's your meat
No marinating plan
It's dry as hell
Makes the knives all bend!

Honey, I've got a limit
Bought all those cook books just for you
But it seems that you've learned nothing
When I desire hospital food!


There are better ways to cook a cow
(At least the Kingsford improves that chow)
Used the BBQ once again
(To save my last male friends)
From your brand... of bland

I can save us lots of sorrow
Hire a chef to make our plates
If you don't know what I'm thinking
Food's got to have some taste!

(Extended Chorus x3)

Because it's bland, it's bland- no fun
(Bland, bland- really, really bland)
Can't take the bland, the bland- I've had it
(Bland, bland- really, really bland)
You know I'm sad, I'm sad - you know it, you know
(Bland, bland- really , really bland)
Food! Food! Food!
(Even your cakes are generic somehow)
The Cooking Channel can be your friend
Pay attention!!!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   11

User Comments

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Jonathan - July 04, 2016 - Report this comment
having a smoked brisket for the 4th which definitely won't be bland! maybe if I ate more bland foods I wouldn't relate to Weird Al's parody of the OS so much! 5's
Rob Arndt - July 04, 2016 - Report this comment
Sounds good, Jon. Happy Fourth!
LPG-Unit - July 04, 2016 - Report this comment
Sure reminds me of the time when my folks and I ate at a hot pot joint. The food tastes more or less fine if you add seasoning to it, but it's bland nonetheless.
Rob Arndt - July 04, 2016 - Report this comment
My Hispanic friends believe in BYOHS or Bring Your Own Hot Sauce!!!

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