Mr. Clean is Not My Lover
A parody of “Billie Jean”
New Lyrics by Steve Bryant

I guess that he was a closet queen,
With a head that gleamed,
The earring should have been my first clue,
He was less man than mouse.
I still used him to clean up the house.
He was less man than mouse.
I still used him to clean my house.

He told me that his name was Mr. Clean,
Gave my floor a sheen.
He came in yellow and sometimes green,
And he was less man than mouse.
I still used him to clean my house.

People always told me be careful what you use,
No harsh cleansers on Formica tops.
And mama always told me cleaning and pleasure never mesh.
Be careful what you do when the scent is lemon fresh, hey, hey!

Mr. Clean is not my lover,
The dude with no short wanted me for his spouse.
I just used him to clean my house.
He wanted me for his spouse,
I just used him to clean my house.

I could have used plain ammonia straight,
Didn’t need a date.
His bulging muscles, they looked so great.
But he was less man than mouse,
I still used him to clean up my house.

But it wasn’t true love,
I used a Playtex Living Glove.

He said he’d been on TV for years,
Tried to calm my fears.
He wouldn’t streak, always dried real clear,
And he was less man than mouse.
I still used him to clean my house.

People always told me be careful what you use,
No harsh cleansers on Formica tops.
And some of the generics they can smell of sweet perfume,
And leave a dulling film in each and every room, hey, hey.

Mr. Clean is not my lover,
The dude with no short wanted me for his spouse.
I still used him to clean my house.

(Guitar solo)