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Song Parodies -> "Wanna Use Oxymorons"

Original Song Title:

"Wanna Be Starting Something"

Original Performer:

Michael Jackson

Parody Song Title:

"Wanna Use Oxymorons"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I'm done, that's it. I can't tell if this makes sense any more. I hope you enjoy it.
I said you wanna use oxymorons
If not then you may be morons
I know you wanna use oxymorons
Or go and make fun of mormons

With your dumb, plastic glasses (can’t see)
Those fireproof matches (dammit)
I think you’re a butt head (butt head)
With backwards advances (wack-bards)

Some reluctant compliance (that hurts)
Political science (fund raise)
Good grief, your demeanor (grief’s good)
On non-dairy creamer (loser)

When you talk of your business ethics
I can tell that board room is hectic
Come on, head back to the street
Go out and have some bad sex

Buy unsalted Saltines
Watch these living dead scenes
Tell me what ‘taped live’ means
You know you wanna use oxymorons

A governmental organization
Supports your working vacation
I said your software documentation
Is genuine imitation

In the structure of programs (ha, ha)
The driving of Dodge Rams (crash, crash)
And almost exactly (wait, what?)
Impersonal crotch-cams (yes, wait…)

Some plain coffee at Dunkin’ (Venti)
While legally drunken (I’ll drive)
Twelve ounces of pound cake (all gone)
You ate on your work break (time’s up)

You say we’re alone together
While you sit, predicting weather
Sweet sorrow can’t make it better
She demanded that you let her

Watching all the sperm whales
I think they’re adult males
shorten up all of your tall tales
I’ve heard it’s fast as snail mail

I said a kinda numb feeling hugs me
When playing non-contact rugby
I have decided she’s pretty ugly
But nothing much really bugs me

Maybe drop your supporters (splat, splat)
A whole bunch of quarters (free games)
Deliberately thoughtless (OK)
Unbiased reporters (sure, NOT)

A dishonest confession (fooled you)
And passive aggression (yes, but…)
Try silently screaming (…)
It’s terribly pleasing (sure is)

Knowing mystery (Are you pissed at me)
Wrongly factual (Read the manual)
Current history (She was kissing me)
Dressing casual (maybe after all)
He’s refined and rude (And a punny dude)
So act natural (Like an animal)
Here’s some airline food (They all cursed and booed)
Maybe vegetables… ugh

Now this guy just said same diff-rence
And he taught me how to inf-rence
See, he wears unscented perfume
And he calls himself a bridegroom

Someone had a Sweet Tart
Quality at Wal-Mart
Take this liquid gas part
You dream of using these oxymorons

They say they educate on T-vision
They’re programming was found missing
We are together in this division
But only while jumbo shrimping

Anything that soft rocks me (really?)
When passages block me (Turn back)
Some feminine logic (ha ha)
Original copies (pre-owned)

I am wearing some tight slack (low-cut)
My estimate’s exact (kind of)
What spending will save me (need stuff)
A definite maybe (sort of)

Have a silent voice (In a rolling Royce)
Vegan cannibal (Is he passable?)
Make the only choice (Then go out, rejoice)
Still mechanical (And maniacal)
A computer jock (In his uber socks)
Newly classical (I am sick of rhymes)
It’s around the block (Scissor-ed paper rocks)
Freely radical… (huh?)

If you’re fresh food is frozen ()
As I was suppozin’ ()
You can’t put thoze in ()
Come on, fresh isn’t frozen ()

He’s an honest lawyer
And she’s a peaceful war-ior
Hopelessly optimistic
I understand it’s mystic

The military intelligences
Attack with their armed defenses
Now here’s a temporary tax increase
And forces to help with world peace

Stationery is moving (Slow down)
High-price sales are proving (SALE HERE)
Attracting a small crowd (queue up)
Uncomfortably soothing (Lower)

When you get freezer burning (cool it)
This straight has some turning (damn roads)
The wrong way is right-y (two wrongs)
So go left, and rightly (three lefts)

This isn’t what I need
I think it’s plastic wood
My words they didn’t heed
Clearly misunderstood
It’s unbelievable
This gas it tested, it’s
Synthetic natural
By Christian Scientists

Here’s one more

So they say
That it Works
At Microsoft
So they say
There are jerks
At Microsoft
The revenge
Of the Turks
At Microsoft
So they say
That it Works
At Microsoft

(Microsoft repeats [its mistakes] )
copyright 2008+ Glen Stollberger

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 25

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   24

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - November 19, 2008 - Report this comment
I knew this was a tough song to tackle when I did it, and I didn't it about a topic that you don't really need to stop and think about it, this one must have taken some time and thinking to peice together so perfectly, a strong SOTM contender if I do say so myself.
John Barry - November 19, 2008 - Report this comment
Peter Andersson - November 19, 2008 - Report this comment
Uniquely all-embracing! I think you got all the good ones in except for happy marriage and honest politician!
alvin - November 19, 2008 - Report this comment
wow...monumental job on this one...mind blowing in its depth
Tim Mayfield - November 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Practical nonsense. It's all here. The compendium of modern thinking.
Phil Alexander - November 20, 2008 - Report this comment
:-) You got both my favourites (military intelligence and Microsoft Works). Can't remember how most of the OS goes, but I don't really care - this was superb.
Invisible Boy - November 20, 2008 - Report this comment
This is an excellent piece of writing 2nz. One of the best I've seen here in a while. I agree with Matty...this is definately SOTM material.
Glen S - November 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks for the kind words, Matt. I'd say your take on this song was what inspired me to try it in the first place. Thanks John. Thanks Peter (damn, happy marriage is a good one, too) Thanks Alvin, most appreciated. Thanks Tim, happy to see you still around. Thanks Phil :c] And thank you Invisible Boy, we'll see how next month goes. Will you be in next month?
Guy - December 06, 2008 - Report this comment

No doubt that This parody underwent constant change as it was writen and was no easy task. It has at least even odds of being a hit using anything but lame skills as you hope for just a dull shine in the final version. You most likely turned this write inside out trying to make it into an instant classic. Hope it wasn't too much painless torture writing it. Writing parodies is fast becoming your full-time hobby. You did a fine job making the oxymorons in this parody clearly ambiguous and the stress of trying to write this must have had you in a cold sweat So glad you did not lose the original copy as you wrote this which would have made you feel pretty ugly that you were going nowhere quite fast. Because of rhyming restrictions I am sure that you could not put the oxys in random order as you probably wanted to but it amounted to the same difference in the end. The long and the short of it is that writing this important trivia was propabaly real serious fun and you must be terribly pleased by the dull roar or your silent applause. I hope future history is kind to you as you continue to write and amuse us. FIne write here 2nz.

I love Oxymorons and I like this parody. I've been known to use this subject matter writing them myself in the past. But alas, nostalgia is never w\quite what it used to be.
Glen S - December 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Guy: :c)
Agrimorfee - December 08, 2008 - Report this comment
(WOTM) My brain hurts. Thaks for challenging me today, 2nz. :)
Jeff Reuben - December 10, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wow, I loved this! Brilliant idea and great job putting it into the lyrics of the OS. Bad sex stands out of many great lines.
Matthias - December 10, 2008 - Report this comment
You know I love this one. It was sheer brilliance.
MasonR - December 12, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM I don't know the OS, but the words were funny by themselves!
Peter Andersson - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Damn, I just commented on Agri's that his is a big favorite of mine, but this one is too! Well, I've had worse problems than the tellapartability between excellent parodies I guess...
Max Power - December 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Great work
bobpiecheese - December 26, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I do love a good oxymoron (though I do take issue with 'Christian Scientist'), and the OS is a total biatch, and you made it work somehow. 555 for you!
Stuart McArthur - December 28, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) hmm, never thought of "pretty ugly" before - but wow! - only hardened amirighters can understand how someone can put so much time and effort into a song rewrite, and that's because we understand that this is our corner of the universe and we own the art and noone else understands - a write like this proves that we have all found like-mindeds - it was an honour to read this Glen - keep up the hard labour! - 555
Ethan Mawyer - December 29, 2008 - Report this comment
This is the most cleverly written song that I've read for the competition and one of the most clever ones I've ever seen on the site. The only real downside is that the song whizzes by so fast that most of the oxymorons would be missed by almost everyone who listened to a recording or live performance of this.
Below Average Dave - December 31, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very well written to a song that seems to be becoming a staple here at AmIRight. But this one puts my podium version of this song out cold, and probably will beat out Matty's great version in the SOTY. . .AMAZING write.
Claude Prez - January 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Invisible Boy - March 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Double Wow.
kevin - April 01, 2009 - Report this comment
this is definetly one of the best parodies i've ever seen sooo many great lines and uses of the title that it blew my mind very well done
Red Ant - April 03, 2009 - Report this comment
wow is right. tmgomtm, but "Buy unsalted Saltines" was super funny.
Pensworth - July 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Wow. This was very good. I never realized there were so many of those. I think you hit everything but 'civil war'. There was a nice mix of real ones and funny ones. Good job.
Peter Andersson - August 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Adding more late here but I came across a good one yesterday, sorta; "deliberate misunderstanding" (we have an election coming up here so I'll constantly reminded of it over the next month) :-)

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