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Song Parodies -> "Afraid of Pants"

Original Song Title:

"The Safety Dance"

Original Performer:

Men Without Hats

Parody Song Title:

"Afraid of Pants"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

The tale of a man scared of a certain item of clothing...this may sound familiar to some of you, this isn't going where you might think it's going...
I don't wear pants, I don't want to
Cause they freak me out, alright
Somethin' about pants, the concept of pants
That just wigs out my mind
Claim they're just clothes? Still don't want to
My brain won't let me decide
To take my naked and hairy legs and insert
Into where they shouldn't hide
Scared of pants (yes, way)

How is this so? I don't want to
Give the details out, alright
Because they're not concrete, no good at long stories
To work it all out, I'd need more time
Claim that's suspicious? So wrong, dude
This fear is legitimate
Yes, you've got pants on, true, yet I've not tried to move
Away from that like I've got the shits

No way, scared of pants, scared of pants
Ev'ryone else? Keep 'em on
I'm scared of pants, scared of pants
Please stay out of my wardrobe, god
I'm scared of pants, scared of pants
This isn't some kinda con act
I'm scared of pants, scared of pants
We can still head off to the dance

'Fraid of pants
Yes, I'm afraid of pants
Really afraid of pants

Not wearin' pants, 'fraid I've got to
Because otherwise, you'll find
I'm gonna be a-faintin', runnin' round like crazy
It's the truth and not a lie
You may point out pants that I've got, dude
Well, you see, this is recent-like
Only been scared of pants, any type of pants
For 'bout five minutes time

Yes, way, scared of pants, scared of pants
And that is includin' shorts
I'm scared of pants, scared of pants
Yet you're makin' a snort of sorts
I'm scared of pants, scared of pants
Certain vestiphobia brand
I'm scared of pants, scared of pants
Not cause mine are dirty as crap

Really afraid of pants
Trust me, afraid of pants
Truth is: afraid of pants
Heard me: afraid of pants
That's right, afraid of pants
I'm afraid of pants, yeah
No bull, afraid of pants
I'm afraid of pants
Mean it, afraid of pants
Friggin' afraid of pants
I'm plain afraid of pants
Really afraid of pants

Wonder if that'll be the next excuse for naked crazy on WTFIWWY. "I"m not on drugs, I'm just scared of clothing. That's why I was running around screaming with a baseball bat in my hands and my dick in a watermelon, officer".

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Peter Andersson - July 19, 2019 - Report this comment
This reminds me, I haven't written a song about streaking habits in a while. :-)
Agrimorfee - July 19, 2019 - Report this comment
If my aspie kid could, he would go pantsless 24/7 (but he's scared as hell that someone will see him in his undies through our apartment windows, so the drapes always have to be pulled down).
Jonathan - July 19, 2019 - Report this comment
Thought this was gonna be about Vambre Warrior, for a second... 5s

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