Wanna sit, but my seat's failed on me
It's a little frail and it smells swampy
I wish the sales lady would help my purchase
And not just grill me 'bout the head rest
Cause I said

"I am not a dumbass couch hunter
Already know stuff, no blunders
Did you hear, did you hear me wonder
About just what stuffin' I want under?"

Didn't think that I'd have such trouble
Know what I came for, no need to hustle
I said "I want that one, please grab it"
She just smiled and flicked through her stupid-ass pamphlet
And she read

"Dear sir or madam couch hunter
You think you know, you'll make blunders
Won't you hear, won't you hear our stunner
Of a deal? Cause you'll save a few hundred, yeah-ah"

Lemme pick the one I want, mate
Is it in stock? Is a test okay?
Same model I have that's up-to-date would suit me
Said the same thing at the start less rudely
Yes, I said

"Listen, bud, I'm a fast couch hunter, oh yeah-ee-eah
Your website showed this cheap wonder
Found it here, found it here, discovered, ah-ah
I want that one, don't show me no others"
I didn't wanna be that one couch hunter
Who doesn't know what they're wantin' (yeah-eah)
But I fear, but I fear you're stumblin' (kind of stumblin')
Because I'm not a dunce like all of the others
Told you, I'm a fast couch hunter
Not a great dope that you'll suffer
Can't you hear, can't you hear? Don't stutter, ooh, yeah-eah
Don't want junk, don't want leather covers
I'm a little bit pissed off couch hunter, ooh-yo-oh
I am opposed to your butter (moron)
Metaphor, metaphor, oh brother (moron, lord, oh brother)
Might give up, go elsewhere, sucker
Kinda pissed I am, couch hunters (really pissed I am, couch hunters)
Hate salesmen dopes, we won't suffer (oh-oh-heah)
But I fear, but I fear, I'm runnin' (asshole, asshole, yes, you are)