Mike would surely not confess
He would never tell the truth
Roomies- he's a lost cause
No girls he's screwed

His tales were neat, but repeats
Of the sack: he was one sad dude
He would never reveal
That his girlfriends weren't real
But his porn mags were brand new!

(Chorus)
Mike's a virgin
Untouched like rare vintage wine
Mike's a virgin
Heard him beat his m-at
All the time!

Awkward with the girls, shy
Nice guys finish last
Threw women at him to screw
But he'd walk away and pass

Rep on the line, it was time
Told him be bold, 'cuz I got him a 'Ho'
Sh-t, he just ran out
Yeah, he gave a shout
Fifty bucks down the hole!

(Chorus)

Oooh, oooh, oooh... baby!
[That was me in the other room]

So Mike tells lies and he's fine
He's not Gay, but he's so damn shy
Lacks sex appeal
Imagines porn is more real
Well, he's got a surprise!
(Lots of girls didn't shave or wax 'tween their thighs)

(Chorus)

Mike's a virgin, so true
Mike's a virgin
Lies to all the guys
What he told me, were endless repeats, of his secret date nights, and it was ugly

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Needs a lady
Keeps his room real neat
But what did I find?

Yuck! A used blow-up doll under his bed!!!
Unused condoms!!!
Oui, Cheri, High Society...