[Spoken]
Freaked out!

I ate a lot of food, it was spicy Thai
My bowels are stirring and I wonder- why?
I gotta go Number.2, don't have to pee
Gotta get to the nearest WC
I'm prairie-doggin' it all the way
Got gas too, no way that I can resist
Really gotta go, it's an emergency!!!

[Chorus]
Hope I don't shart, Oh please, mercy!
The stall is locked, got no money
Hope I don't shart, Oh please... (I'm) fartin'
I gotta crawl under, Dear God please help me!!!

I hope nobody sees the fear in my eyes
If I crap my pants they'll all be surprised
This is a real emergency to me
I'm crawling under, hope nobody noticed
So I just cheated and didn't pay
Gotta crap, that's all I can say
Here it comes, all that damn spicy Thai food
People get desperate when it's Number 2!!!

Hope I don't shart, Oh please, mercy!
The stall is locked, got no money
Hope I don't shart, Oh please... (I'm) fartin'
I gotta crawl under, Dear God please help me!!!

Hope I don't shart, Dear God please!
There better be some toilet paper

Oh, oh, oh, no!!!
Hope I don't shart, butthole is gaping
Just gotta go, it's an emergency!!!

Gotta crawl under, it's all I can do
Nothing can stop me from trying, gotta pooh

Hope I don't shart, Oh please, mercy!
The stall is locked, got no money
Hope I don't shart, Oh please... (I'm) fartin'
I gotta crawl under, Dear God please help me!!!

Hope I don't shart, have mercy!

Hope I don't shart, I have no money
Here comes a fart, my butthole is gaping...!!!

[repeat and fade]