It was dumb to do
It was dumb of me
The stupidest cook in history
I was such a bird brain
You should be appalled

I was preparing geese
When I went to sneeze
Poked my eye with a sharp shard of cheese
It felt just like a migrain
With no sight at all

And as I felt and groped
My hands hit some soap
I was such a dope
Try to imagine my pain
Rubbing my eyeballs

That’s when my birds took to flight
Flying onto the floor
Their giblets would’ve made a fine…. gravy
But they took a fall

So that’s how I cooked my goose,
Cooked my goose
Cooked my goose
Arms flailing like a hurt crane
The phone left the wall

That’s how I cooked my goose
Cooked my goose
Cooked my goose
I couldn’t see a damn thang
And no way to call

I heard my cat
Come running pit-ter pat
Latching on to the cheese like a rat
I thought I had her well trained
I thought I had ‘em both trained
So then in comes my hound
Who just ‘woofs’ the rest down
I just hit the ground
Now he won’t eat Gravy Train®
Now I’m buying Gaines [burgers]



So that’s how I cooked my goose
Cooked my goose
Cooked my goose
I wasn’t using my brains
I hope you’re enthralled

That’s how I cooked my goose
Cooked my goose
Cooked my goose
I languished ‘till my wife came [home]
I wanna cry

Repeat

Cooked my Goose

Repeat.