A calendar's the guide
For me and for my bride
We plan together to maintain our way of life
Two weeks a month we rest
To keep an empty nest
My genetalia gets no usage 'cept when I pee

Catholics should all obey
When the Vatican says it's the way (divine)
We've gotta follow the rhythm method

When a flash of skin excites
But it's not a day for such delights (decline)
We've gotta follow the rhythm method

I'm feeling stressed
Libido is supressed
For the next ten days my woman should stay dressed
Situation's worse
'Cause Fido's looking better
No longer give a damn, take off that sweater

"It's just papal bull" I say
Now we should be rolling in the hay (that's right)
Let's start ignoring the rhythm method

Then you tell me hold on tight
And you're saying we should just recite this line
We've gotta follow the rhythm method

Why'd they have to ban
Laying on of hands
I think Madonna could provide some good advice
Isn't there a psalm
Praising blessed palms
Maybe I should lay down on a big pile of ice

Woman don't you run away
When your fella needs a way to play tonight
Let's roll the dice with the rhythm method

Maybe this'll be all right
"A posteriori", it just might be time
We find a way 'round the rhythm method

Any port in a storm
So come and keep me warm
It's time that we affirm
Forget this monthly term
Just let me be your guide
I'll take you for a ride
But you delay to my dismay
Then you say grace, and you spray mace in my face

We've gotta follow the rhythm method