Sucking more than ever
And whip goes crackin' by
I'll be suffering forever
So pass me cyanide

Damned if you do
Damned if you don't
It's gonna be Samhain today
I really wish it won't

Married to a Wiccan (smirkin')
Married to a Wiccan (lurkin')
Sacrificin' chickens
And her spells aren't workin'
It's bullshi* that I'm diggin'
'Cause I'm married to a Wiccan

Hey, I'm not complainin' but it's more than just a quirk
And following this lunacy has made her such a jerk
How the hell does she know what those words meant?
I tried to clean on Friday, but I still smell that scent

Married to a Wiccan (smirkin')
Married to a Wiccan (lurkin')
Sacrificin' chickens
And her spells aren't workin'
It's bullshi* that I'm diggin'
'Cause I'm married to a Wiccan

Oh no... Married to a Wiccan
Oh no... Sacrificin' chickens
Oh no... bullshi* that I'm diggin'
Oh no nooooooooooooo

Enjoys long benders crazy through the night
Gets chunky, smells funky, lost my appetite
Ritualistic freaks: they're really all the same
Faking roles, dress like trolls, acting really lame

Married to a Wiccan (smirkin')
Married to a Wiccan (lurkin')
Sacrificin' chickens
And her spells aren't workin'
It's bullshi* that I'm diggin'
'Cause I'm married to a Wiccan

Sacrificin' chickens
And her spells aren't workin'
It's bullshi* that I'm diggin'
'Cause I'm married to a Wiccan

Sacrificin' chickens
And her spells aren't workin'

ugh...