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Song Parodies -> "I'm Still Sanding"

Original Song Title:

"I'm Still Standing"

Original Performer:

Elton John

Parody Song Title:

"I'm Still Sanding"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

Yes I’m a lowly wood-sander, and yes I know it’s not all about me, but if Helen Of Troy’s worth rescuing, she’s worth rescuing proudly, eh Odysseus?
Youtube of Original Song here or at
You could never know what it’s like
to build a
wooden horse
by campfire light
and even though destroying Troy’s
important too
It’s gonna hafta be delayed
until I see this through

coz Troy is hardly gonna vanish and
I’ve got so much more to sand
I’ve done the back two hooves, and nearly all the mane
but there’s some hard-to-get-to nostril
rough spots
still to sand away

That is why
I’m still sanding
even though you’re unimpressed
Seems like I’m the sole invader
wanting us to look our best
I’m so angry
I don’t understand
why the hell Antiphates and Calchas
will not lend a hand

I’m still sanding
yeah yeah yeah
I’m still sanding
yeah yeah yeah

Sure you say the horse is smooth enough
but vanquishing the Trojans is historic stuff
A job worth doing
is worth doing good
and I will NOT condone
horse gifting,
if it’s from unsmooth wood

No, I’m still sanding!
When you gonna get that straight?
Totally respect Odysseus
but he’s gonna have to wait.
I’m still sanding!
gee, this trapdoor’s rough
Getting fifty Greeks secreted,
with no splinters,
will be tough.

I’m still sanding
yeah yeah yeah
I’m still sanding
yeah yeah yeah

(Lots of exaggerated sanding coz I know I’m being watched)

you can see that
I’m still sanding!
Sorry ‘bout your little war
But like every other war please
tell me what is IT GOOD FOR?
I’m still sanding!
War will have to wait
coz I am a true artiste that no-one can appreciate.

I’m still sanding
yeah yeah yeah
I’m still sanding
yeah yeah yeah

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   1
 4   2
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Peregrin - April 30, 2018 - Report this comment
This one had me grinning from ear to ear, gotta love a craftsman who is not satisfied with anything less than perfection :) The subject matter was initially rough, but you put in a polished performance here Stu :)
Edwin Starr - April 30, 2018 - Report this comment
WAR! What is IT GOOD FOR .. I see what you did there
Matthias - April 30, 2018 - Report this comment
This was great from the perspective of the guy who created the Trojan horse! I don't know where you come up with this stuff but I can totally see this as a skit on Monty Python!
Agrimorfee - April 30, 2018 - Report this comment
Great art cannot be however, make it look effortless.
Melanie Lee - April 30, 2018 - Report this comment
DKTOS stanzas well enough to comment on the pacing, but this is hilarious! I like the idea of taking an "insignificant" person and looking at a major event from his POV. Hopefully I'll listen to the song later while reading your parody. Great job, I think.
Phil Alexander - April 30, 2018 - Report this comment
This is wonderful, have just tried playing it through & it seems a little syllable-heavy in one or two places, but EJ squeezes in a few more too so it's gotta match.
Jonathan - April 30, 2018 - Report this comment
certainly not a wooden effort! 5s
Dee Range - May 01, 2018 - Report this comment
Damn Stuart, You are still the man, Dude!.. i check in here every year or two, and rarely see any names I know. Brilliant and funny as Hell. You can Sand this parody for a year, and it won't get any smoother than this. It couldn't...
Stuart McArthur - May 01, 2018 - Report this comment
Thanks Pippin - a lot of polishing involved yes ;-)

Yup, you got it Edwin - couldn't resist the nod to your classic, even though it is a pacing crime

Thanks Matty - yes it's got a touch of Holy Grail about it

Thanks Ag :-)

Thanks Melanie, yes it's a comedic angle I love. I did a similar angle on Noah's Ark once - "Totally Dissed Noah's Ark" to "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" and I remember saying I'd never had so much fun writing a parody

Thanks Phil, yes the pacing thing's so weird as it's kind of irrelevant really - Weird Al doesn't bother with it - if you don't bother with it, it can read really well, and when you spend weeks perfecting it, like I did here and on my Charlie Brown one, it somehow causes stumbles. Eg How do you pace Elton's "y'know" - it's two syllables but he puts it into one beat of the song

thanks Jonathan

Good to see you again Dee and thanks for the kind words - hope you'll join us some time soon
Peter Andersson - May 03, 2018 - Report this comment
What's that smell? Oh, it's just Troy burning down from the applaud-induced sparks to Stu's parody! Sorry I missed this on the day, because of reasons I was AWOLing the invasion (and I hear as a general rule with war that's often good for health too).
Rex - May 05, 2018 - Report this comment
Agree very much with Matty on the Pythonesque tone. Bonus points for Antiphates and Calchas, and this needs to be a video!

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