I've always said that bachelor cooking sucks--
Now I hear you're making food to be upchucked.
Something tells me you're a horrid cook--
I smell something rancid, let me take a look

A mess of greenish glop glubs in your pots;
It smells like Alpo just before it rots!
I ain't no gastronome or connoisseur--
Where'd you get this idea, at the local sewer?

'Cause I don't wanna throw up on you like that!
Don't wanna see my dinner in your lap!
What's this on the salad? Tastes like ipecac!
But I don't wanna throw up on you like that!

No-o-oh,
Noooo,
Nooooh,
No way!

I know it's hard sometimes to feed yourself;
But what's so wrong with buying off the shelf?
It's great for friends to cook for friends,
But this crap that you're serving, gives the bends!

And I don't wanna throw up on you like that!
Don't wanna see that arc of vomit splat!
Two blocks from the corner there's a laundromat--
I didn't wanna blow chunks on you like that!

No, I don't wanna throw up on you like that!
Not that I'm bulemic or feel too fat--
It's just like a party at my dear old frat!
I'm hurling and it's all over you like that!

Wo-o-oh,
Wo-ooo,
Wo-ooh,
Whoa, yeah!

Oh, if you wanna get competitive, well that's just fine!
We'll call the kitchen counter the battlefield line!
If you wanna throw back at me, regurgitate all night,
Let's eat some more, then do this right!