ASPCA
Wants pets to have the rights of humans
And that's fine with me
But then we'll have to take
Their right, to act real uncouth back

Canine body waste
Just has no place in public
If a human man
Had made a mess like that
He'd be fined, quite a lot
Cause it's sick

So arrest that tiger mauling that dude
Crimes against man, should mean time in the Zoo
Trapped in a small cell, with other tigers
Who are all monstrous, competent fighters
Yeah arrest that tiger mauling that dude

This hare is a thief
It stole a leaf of lettuce
It needs a prison
That it can live in
Since it isn't worthy of trust

That noisy bird
Breaches the peace with its clucks
I will take it's eggs cause
There should be laws to
Fine birds that just won't shut up

And my pet rat likes to fall in the pool
I fish it out, that's what dads ought to do
Lots of things help with, safety of babies
But not for rats and, that drives my crazy
And my pet rat likes to fall in the pool

My pet turtle's
Ninety but never has worked
I'm gonna tell it
"Find a job to do
Or you'll be homeless, you jerk"

And I guess that's why I would be a fool
To treat my cat, the same way I treat you
Rats are not children, chickens should cluck and
Hares taking lettuce, really means nothin'
And a pet can't be a scholar in school