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Song Parodies -> "Beating Up The Wife"

Original Song Title:

"9 To 5"

Original Performer:

Dolly Parton

Parody Song Title:

"Beating Up The Wife"

Parody Written by:

Cait Sith

The Lyrics

Thumpin' on her head 'til it needs a little stitchin'
Watching her step until she starts flinchin'
Morning, wench, it's time you broke your spine
Pushed her down the stairs with great loud thuds an'
Out on the street, the folks are all knowin'
'Bout guys like me who thrive on beating up the wife

Beating up the wife
What a way to treat your women
Tannin' her behind
Make her feel like she's in prison
There's no compromise
But she'll never seek the sheriff
I'll be up the drive
To beat her stinkin' head in
Rough inside
She's a wreck with her emotions
People think that I
Must have slipped her some old potion
She will lose her head
If she tattles or betrays me
I swear sometimes at her when I get angry

I throw antiques just to watch them shatter
If it's not the wall, then I throw 'em right at her
With cuts and screams that never fade away
She wobbles as I gloat like a rubbery band
Uses her sleeves to cover her hands
As she hides all the burns and scars I gave her today

Beating up the wife
What a way to treat your women
Tannin' her behind
Make her feel like she's in prison
There's no compromise
But she'll never seek the sheriff
I'll be up the drive
To bash her stinkin' head in
Right in sight
Yes, I've got you where I want you
You can beg and cry
But you know that I'll still haunt you
It's a sick man's shame
That he married what he's taunted
Now she'll spend her nights wishing that she hadn't done it

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 3.6
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   1
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

McKludge - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
oof-ah. This ought to get them riled up. What's the old joke, "what do you tell a woman with two black eyes..."
Miss Loukas - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Agrimorfee - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Jiminy Crickets. that is sooooo wrong.
Cait Sith - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Ok, so I guess I chose a distressing subject, and I for one do not endorse domestic abuse, the end of the day, it's a parody! lighten up...if it was that bad, it wouldn't have been approved
Magic Miss Chelseasaurus - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
I like it :) It's a commonly shunned subject and rather than mocking it or promoting it it's actually showing, in a way, how we as a society consider things like this. It's all swept under the rug and forgotten. As i said. I like it :)
Chris Frederick - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
I just can't give it a 5 for "funny" - sorry - but it's a well-written parody nonetheless. Even better, it's not the most disturbing thing posted to the site today.
Dee Range - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
There is way to treat this type of material that brings cheers, instead of shock, In the last part of the parody, you turn the victim into the hero by having her perform a Lorena Bobbit-ectomy....and write it from the third person, not the first person. It makes it seem less real, and less personal.
Agrimorfee - June 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey Cait...the only criteria for removal of a parody for its content is if it talks directly about sex or personally attacks another Amiright author. Yours doesn't fall into those criteria, obviously, but that still doesn't make it enjoyable for everyone. But enough from me, freedom of expression and all that. Peace.

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