Audio or Video intro:

OFFICER
Do you know why I pulled you over, sir?

DRIVER
No... was I speeding?

OFFICER
No, the trailer ball on your truck’s bumper is obstructing your license plate.

DRIVER
Oh, is that all? I must have forgot to take it off when I went boating last week, sorry.

OFFICER
Well I’m still going to need to see your license, registration, and proof of insurance. So where are you headed?

DRIVER
I’m taking the kids to Sea World. Here’s my paperwork.

OFFICER
Thanks, I’ll be right back.

DRIVER
Say, have you ever noticed that killer whales and cops have a lot in common. You know how they’re both black and white and real friendly?

OFFICER
(playing along with the idiot)
Yes, now that you’ve mentioned it, I can see how me and fellow Officers work like a pod of whales while ‘ORCAstrating’ a high speed takedown. Chasing suspects is a lot like hunting for seals, alright. Especially after we’ve been pursuing one for hours, and when we finally have him in our jaws we just want to chomp down and fling him in the air like a forlorn seal. Hey, is that a crack in your windshield?

DRIVER
What crack?

OFFICER
That crack in the lower passenger side corner.

DRIVER
But it’s just a tiny crack.

OFFICER
Yeah, well you still have two days to get it fixed. And you got thirty days to get that trailer ball fixed and signed off, too.

DRIVER
My attorney’s going to have a hard time reading your last on this ticket officer. What is it?

OFFICER
Shamu

DRIVER
Oh.

[Begin Parody]


Don’t mess with CHP

Now watch out for smokeys don’t be playing stupid
Or pay the piper with the CHP
They aren’t joking, they got ways for stupids
Tickets for numbskulls and the pricks they see
Now they aren’t joking, don’t you say they’re stupid
You can tell they’re a high strung bunch
Offer them a donut when you are pulled over
And you wont be wanting CHiPs for lunch


They are the proud in black and white cruisers
Law enforcements best deputies
They love to ticket the rabble rousers
They love to hit wise asses with fees


(See that ‘Thumbelina’ who is texting while she’s driving
Who isn’t concerned or care
That teenage texter needs a traffic court date
Frank Poncherello* will make sure she’s there)


They are the proud in black and white cruisers
Law enforcements best deputies
They love to ticket the ‘Thumbelinas’
Who will text and drive with their knees


You couldn’t wait to check your iPhone
You couldn’t wait to check your mail
What is that blaring? that’s not your newest coolest ring tone**
That cop’s on your tail
Coming up fast, with lights and siren wailing
Riding on your rear end like a mad banshee
Was it worth it? now you’re feeling stupid
Got a ticket for driving with your BlackBerry


They are the proud in black and white cruisers
Law enforcements best deputies
They love to ticket the freeway surfers
Who drive and browse with their BlackBerries

Lookie here
They aren’t joking, don’t be playing stupid
Or pay the piper with the CHP
They aren’t joking, don’t be playing stupid
Tickets for numbskulls and the pricks they see
Tickets for ijits who text and speed


Tickets for numbskulls and the pricks they see


Lookie here, lookie here

Tickets for numbskulls and the pricks they see
Don’t mess with...
Don’t mess with...
Don’t mess with CHP
Tickets for numbskulls and the pricks they see

(FADE)
Don’t mess with...
Don’t mess with...
Don’t mess with CHP



They say most accidents are caused by a loose nut behind the wheel.




*Erik Estradas character from CHiPs

Erik Estrada
12400 Ventura Blvd
PMB1167
Studio City, CA 91604
or via email at erikestradainfo@yahoo.com

http://erikestrada.com

** download the CHiPs theme song ring tone
HERE
http://www.televisiontunes.com/Chips.html