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Song Parodies -> "This Laptop May Hit the Wall"

Original Song Title:

"Total Eclipse of the Heart"

Original Performer:

Bonnie Tyler

Parody Song Title:

"This Laptop May Hit the Wall"

Parody Written by:

Below Average Dave

The Lyrics

I'm at as always. . .

These opinions of Vista are based on my first view of it, the laptop I purchased this past weekend to be able to do updates on the road has Vista, and these problems have not been quite the same. . .guess they fixed some of it, still felt it was a strong idea though.
(Hard drive's down)
Every now and then
my new computer starts
freezing and I have to shut it down

(Hard drive's down)
Every now and then
I get quite a bit angry
when it feels like it's been loading for years

(Hard drive's down)
Every now and then
I wanna pick up this laptop
and throw it out a fast moving car

(Crashing now)
Every now and then
I get a wee bit frustrated oh
and warnings drive me out of my mind

(Windows crashed last night)
When the heck is this thing gonna start
(Vista lacks big time)
Unlike XP this one isn't smart

(Causing frowns)
Every now and then it gets a little slow
from stuff that runs in the background

(Can't be found)
Every now and then it cannot find a file
it needs and then I have to hit restart

(Update Now!)
Every now and then when I am really busy
the computer wants to update all night

(Please not Now!)
Every now and then I get so sick of
updates that do not fix a flippin' thing anyway

(Paperweight waste guys)
I wish I had know just what I bought
(Like M.E., it bites)
This is not the O.S. that I sought

And it makes me want to fight
And it's no good for programmers
And the pop up block isn't right
Gotta turn it off forever
Because it's blocking all the websites
I wish Windows Vista was better
To be waiting 'til the problems they find
It makes me want to shoot the laptop, it's crossed my mind
Complaints like this ain't new, but this really missed the mark
Even the low price tag won't change these remarks
They need to fix this tonight
Or Apple may win me tonight
Although their prices are not right

Windows Ninety-Five had the Blue Screen of Death
and sometimes that M.E. wouldn't start
But I promise you dude
That Vista's design falls apart

When XP came out, seemed they got it right
But the contrasts now are really quite stark
Microsoft released
a platform I hate worse than warts

(Low on space, D Drive)
It was like that from the very start
(Low on space, D Drive)
It was like that from the very start

And my screen has just turned white
Ev'ry click is an endeavor
My connection is alright
Cable ain't slow whatsoever
I think that it does this in spite
When I call the tech line whomever
Takes my call asks the same crap ev'ry time
and on top of that they get English all maligned
I know this much is true, it's actually bizarre
Their "tech" is half the world away, jobs should be ours
So instead I should write
By then I will've made this right
I'll kick it right outta my sight

When I was a kid, I just loved Microsoft
But Vista left a taste that is tart
Gotta know it's true
That Vista was bad from the start

Did they lose their mind? did they test it at all?
Hope that this product is recalled
Vista needs to change
or This Laptop May Hit the Wall
This Laptop May Hit the Wall

Bring XP Back Guys
Bring XP Back Guys
Bring it back
This has been a Below Average Dave Production, All Rights Reserved

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 21

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   19

User Comments

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Stah Hall - December 01, 2008 - Report this comment
Funny write, BAD, and I can relate -- to a degree. The laptop I bought awhile back was loaded w/ Vista and, worse, a bunch of "helpful" HP OEM add-ons (all of which I immediately ditched). Altho' the slowness you describe was very evident at first, but take heart -- Vista must include some adaptive mechanisms as it has over time become speedier than my own adaptation to it can explain alone. My main complaint -- and it's a big one -- is Vista's pushiness re "helpfully" organizing your materials for you. You _are_ right, tho', that XP finally "got it right", and I _am_ glad that my primary computer remains the XP-running desktop that hosts my home LAN. :-)
Jeff Reuben - December 01, 2008 - Report this comment
This is the reason I bought a Mac laptop :) I thought it was a great idea, and love the OS. I'm still stuck with Vista at work, and it drives me bananas on occasion.
Stuart McArthur - December 01, 2008 - Report this comment
great idea and funny write Dave - I sense this may have been a cathartic process - 555
LilNoDrive - December 01, 2008 - Report this comment
sir B+A+D, nice write, sir ! But I leave the paper Jams, & HardDrive failures to my employer ! ! . . . or my princely nephew!
Glen S - December 01, 2008 - Report this comment
Can't remember how the song goes outside of the refrain, but I'll support this. It reads like a well-written computer rant outright.
Meriadoc - December 01, 2008 - Report this comment
Just remember this bit of advice: whenever your PC wants to update something, select "bite me". Especially loved the third stanza.
Below Average Dave - December 02, 2008 - Report this comment
Thank you Stan, Jeff, Stu, LilNoDrive, Glen and Merry:) Was fun to write absolutely.
Matthias - May 11, 2009 - Report this comment
It's cruel irony that as soon as you posted a song about a computer crash your primary computer at home crashed. That's not a funny coincidence, but strange nonetheless. Good luck getting your computer at home fixed, hopefully Red Ant can take a look at it and repair it, because we're going to miss you around here, and with Agrimorfee gone and now you we're losing parodists left and right. Anyways, I thought this one was very well-written and all around hilarious and a perfect topic for this round. I have used Vista before... I too am not a fan, but I hate Macs more.
bobpiecheese - May 18, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages2) I can only indirectly relate to this one: I've never used Vista, but my older brother has, and he got angry at it as well. These days he hasn't complained at all. Anyway, great job, 555, and good luck on getting your actual computer fixed.
Arwen - May 20, 2009 - Report this comment
AGES...amen to this one, Dave. I paid extra to have XP put on my newest laptop...I'm just a little too scared of Vista.
Melanie Lee - May 20, 2009 - Report this comment
(AGES) This parody didn't crash, though it may have blipped in pacing here and there. Eh! Good stuff, and may the Good Computer Fairy sprinkle her healing power upon your laptop. 5-5-5.
Invisible Boy - May 20, 2009 - Report this comment
I agree with you. This was a strong idea and very well executed. Running XP here (can you tell?)
Jeff Reuben - May 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Still love it...see above!
Glen S - May 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Stopped back after hearing the OS. Um, great work here. THe whole thing was very solid, but the 'Blue screen of death' stanza was my epic highlight
Jeff Reuben - January 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Knowing what you've gone through with computers in the last year, I'm guessing this touched close to home for you.
Matthias - February 02, 2010 - Report this comment
Yowch! This one is especially true now seeing that you've lost your sound card and everything.
LilNoDrive - February 03, 2010 - Report this comment
I repeat, SirDave, I leave the PaperJams & HardDrive failures to my employer . . .
Jack Wilson - February 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Did ya write my theme song? LOL 5s
bobpiecheese - February 10, 2010 - Report this comment
(Genre Hero) See above!
DJ Blaze - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Reminds me of our old computer. And I'm still on dial-up... 555 for this epic work of pure genius.

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