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Song Parodies -> "Totally Blitzed on SweeTarts"

Original Song Title:

"Total Eclipse of the Heart"

Original Performer:

Bonnie Tyler

Parody Song Title:

"Totally Blitzed on SweeTarts"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Too often the spirit of Halloween gets buried under all of the crass commercialism. So please take a moment to pause and reflect on the true meaning of Halloween. Which, of course, is CANDY.
(Trick or treat)
Every Halloween I get a little bit crazy
when the Snickers hit my brain
(Trick or treat)
Every Halloween I get a little bit wired
from all the Pixy Stix in my veins
(Junior Mints)
Every Halloween I get a little unbalanced
when I read the jokes in Ba-zooka Joes
(Tootsie Rolls)
Every Halloween I get a little hysterical
and shove some M&Ms up my nose

(Milky Way - bite size)
Every Halloween I eat my pride
(Almond Joy - bite size)
Every Halloween I'm Nestle-fried

And I need a Skor tonight (Need a Skor bar)
And I need my Sugar Daddy
And there's no junk like Hershey's Bites (Bless you Hershey)
And my dealer's Willy Wonka
And we're doing the Musketeers right (All for candy!)
Bring the Dum-Dums along
Together we'll do Reeses till our brain cells are shot
I'll even eat the Smarties if it's all they got
(Smarties suck)
We gotta bust a move - it's almost ten o'clock
And still we have to trick-or-treat for twenty more blocks!

Hypoglycemia bites!
I'll never get to sleep tonight
(I'm never coming down tonight)

Last year's bag of treats - made it all the way home
This year's didn't make it so far
Ate it in the street
Totally blitzed on SweeTarts

Last year I dressed up - as a fairy-tale queen
This year I'm a skank from the park
Turnin' tricks for treats
Totally blitzed on SweeTarts

Totally blitzed on SweeTarts

(Baby Ruth bite size)

(Nestle Crunch bite size)
(Trick or treat...)
Copyright 2003+

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.3
How Funny: 3.6
Overall Rating: 3.6

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   1
 3   2
 4   1
 5   5

User Comments

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Adagio - October 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Funny!! Esp. the skank turned out for tricks or treats. :D Btw, I think I got 2 cavities and hypoglycemia just reading this. :D Really good job!
Phil Alexander - October 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Surely you'd get hyperglycaemia - too much sugar rather than too little? It's good, spaff - but nowhere near your best...
Michael Pacholek - October 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Despite the similarities to Patrick Yoness' classic "Totally Burned My Pop Tart" -- one of the smokin'est parodies ever written -- this was SWEET! - October 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Adagio: Thanks, and sorry to send you to the dentist.
Michaelopedia: I was halfway through writing this before I checked amiright and discovered that several other authors (including you) had already had already discovered the irresistible sub of "totally blitzed" for "total eclipse." Sigh. I finished it up anyway, confident that it was still very different from the others. I've just read (and enjoyed) PY's "Totally Burned" - is it the "totally" in the title you find too similar?
Philbo: A good comment, but nowhere near your best. ;-) Yeah, hyperglycemia sucks too - and probably makes more sense in this context. So thanks - I'll adopt your suggestion for my web site.
Claude Prez - October 08, 2003 - Report this comment
No, not your best. Still fivesworthy of course; your best is at least twelvesworthy or so. It helps that I hated the original and had to trust you on the pacing ("bite size" for "bright eyes" was great). Also, I agree Smarties suck. Oh, and the Pop Tart song Michael mentions is good too but not very similar to this at all. Welcome back.
Billy Florio - October 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Great job
Meriadoc - October 08, 2003 - Report this comment
"Milky Way - bite size" had me in stitches! Good job! - October 10, 2003 - Report this comment
Muchas gracias, BF and Merry.
Philbo and C4P: Not my best? I guess I set the bar way too high with "Anal Vice" - everything else pales in comparison. This must be how Billy Ray Cyrus feels, knowing nothing will ever be as good as Achy Breaky Heart. Or the mullet.
Wild Man - October 24, 2003 - Report this comment
Spaff you can parody anything well, Nice job man & a case of beer. - November 06, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanx, Wild. Be sure to bring that to the monster bash, when/wherever we decide to have it. It'll help us all be more attractive.
Jack Wilson - November 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Still thought it was pretty funny and well paced actyually perfectly paced almost 555! - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you, Jack.
Jack Wilson - December 15, 2006 - Report this comment
You're welcome Spaff

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