what's the matter with your bum young feller?
have you come to me to check your parts?
what's the problem with your colon or your shpincter
do you have a case of runny wet farts?
let me get the microscope out baby,
up your crack it goes, and then we'll see maybe
what's there, some hair, hot air, what a scare
it's still colonoscopy

what the hell have you been eating here for dinner?
is seafood every meal you like
I'm believin that I might be seein
an undigested northern pike
tell me what's been coming out of you lately,
is it hard, and brown or is it soft like gravy,
bad dumps, poor rumps, poo pumps, food humps
it's still colonoscopy

oh it doesnt matter what they say in the papers,
you have to keep your backside clean
there's a new doc in town,
but there's something going down,
but your digestion here isnt clean,
you can't eat like a teen

how about a quicky polyp removal?
there's a couple but they're kinda sparse
just a snip with my little surgical scissors, and
we'll get those nubbies from your arse
then we know that your bum is corrected
I think it is because of what I have detected
next time, drink wine, it's fine, most times,
avoid colonoscopies

what's this little rodent I'm seeing
have you been seeing Richard Gere?
rumour has it he's the expert
if you find a little gerbil here
thank god I wear gloves for protection
try to avoid all types of infection
next time, drink wine, it's fine, most times,
avoid colonoscopies