(instrumental opening)

Well, I'm looking at an Oscar gown.
Should've closed the textile factory down.
Loser, Hilary Swank for 3rd time.
Silver feathers
not looking fine.

Starred in film set in the Second World War:
Colin Firth, a nice tuxedo wore.
But Helena Bonham Carter, ew!
Did Tim Burton
design it for you?
And she's wearing awful Oscar gown.

The giant white doily sure made me frown.
Melissa Leo, throw it
away-ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay...

Ay-hey...
Oh-whoa...

Well, I'm looking at an Oscar gown
that Mila Kunis should not have thrown around.
Lavender, got no get-up-and-go.
Would be bad on real
"Seventies show."

Cody Horn, the paper stuck to the wall
became dress you wore to Oscar hall
with accessory I did not love:
Fingerless
opera-length gloves!
And it's a horrifying Oscar gown.

Even Nicole Kidman is making me frown.
That dress looks like a shell found on beach
today-ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay...

Ay-hey-yay-yay...
Oh-whoa...

Florence Welch, she had a pretty good shot
to look at least as good as Raquel Welch got.
Something happened on the way to that place:
She put on tasseled thing, it's such a disgrace...
Hey-yay-yay...

Ay-hey-yay-yay...
Oh-whoa...

Well, I'm looking at an Oscar gown.
Celine Dion, she put her new twins down
but should not have worn that dress
today-ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay...

Ay-hey-yay-yay...
Oh-whoa...

And it's getting very hard stay
ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay-yay-yay
while I'm looking at an Oscar gown!